My last encounter with a skateboard ended in tears for me, blood for my brother and a hospital bill for a third kid. So I'm giving this skateboard away as soon as possible.

Not to sound ungrateful to EA Black Box for providing this thoughtful and theme-appropriate swag. I'm just terrified of skateboards, even ones without wheels. You ever read Calvin & Hobbes strips where Calvin's afraid of his bike? That's me with skateboards.

Luckily, Ümloud! is right around the corner, so I've got a place to send it straightaway. I already sent the bulk of my swag to the boss in Denver. And if nothing else, this skateboard should be a lot easier to carry on public transit in San Francisco than a 25 pound box of t-shirts.