Do you need an Aperture Science Handheld Portal Device? Of course you do!
Sure, there's a life-sized replica out there in the world, but for those of us with smaller living rooms (and smaller budgets), this miniature edition, from ThinkGeek, is just the ticket.
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This model, admittedly, can't actually make a wormhole in your wall. But it does come with the lights and sounds you need to feel like it actually works.
You could even put a potato on those arms. A baby potato, admittedly, but still.
Portal 2 Miniature Replica Portal Gun [ThinkGeek, via Twitter]