Since The Witcher 3 came out in May, developer CD Projekt Red has released 16 pieces of free post-release downloadable content, ranging from missions to outfits to gear. Some of that stuff was superb. Some was less superb. Let’s rank it all, worst to best.
Before we do that: It should go without saying that no matter which DLC “wins,” everyone wins. I’ve been spoiled by The Witcher 3’s drip-feed of cool new stuff, and it’s made this game a pleasure to continually revisit for months after I first completed it. If you want something more in-depth, I’ve already written about first batch of DLC, the second batch, and the final (tough!) New Game+ mode.
Let’s get ranking. Here they are, going from worst to best.
Makes an otherwise cool character look like a hokey dork.
Cool-looking armor, but it’s from Nilfgaard. Fuck Nilfgaard.
Not as good as the high-level Witcher crossbows. Probably useful if you don’t have those crossbows yet, though. Then again... they’re crossbows. Who even cares.
I don’t care about Gwent. I know, I know, I should play. I barely have time to play Hearthstone, okay? Anyway, if I cared about Gwent, this would probably be higher.
A ho-hum monster contract that I’ve already forgotten about.
The man-armor can’t match custom Witcher gear, but the horse-armor is top-notch.
Not horrible, but corny when compared with Yen’s basic outfit. The feathers are neat.
Not particularly exciting on its own, but a solid set of armor for people starting a new game who don’t have Witcher gear yet.
A decent enough quest, but the culminating showdown was an anti-climax, at least for me.
The best of the “alternative look” options. Makes Ciri look somewhat more ready for battle than she did before.
More blood, more severed limbs, more fun for everyone.
Geralt has a serious conversation with a pig. That’s really all you need to know.
Look, it’s more beards and hairdos. So what if we all stick with a beard and the silver-fox longhair look? It’s nice to have options.
An in-depth treasure hunt that takes you to some really cool locations, including a tour of the hidden corners of Kaer Morhen. Cool armor, too.
A sturdy new mode that makes the game harder in case you wanted to go through again and make different choices without reforging all your cool gear.
Easily the best of the new missions, and all the better because it actually ties in with some of the decisions you made in the rest of the game.