Since Valve enabled users to charge money for mods on Steam, people have uploaded all sorts of wild things onto the Steam Workshop. Some are serious. Some are jokes. And some are actively taking a jab at Valve for having the ‘gall’ to do something like this.
As you might have heard already, not everyone is happy with the idea of having paid mods on Steam. So folks are fighting back, some with petitions, others with critiques, and in this case, silly overpriced mods that work as a protest of sorts.
Here are some of the most absurd things I found on the workshop. Note that not all of these have necessarily been approved yet, and very well may disappear from the workshop by the time you read this. This $99 horse genitals mod, for example, is now gone. So is the $100 Gabe Newell genitals mod. No surprises there, eh?
Golden Potato Mod, $9.99
This downloadable expansion for the Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim adds a unique and extraordinary item to the game: the Golden Potato. Found sitting upon the well in the heart of Whiterun, the Golden Potato adds a unique experience to the Skyrim gameplay. It’s a collectible, a food item, a potato, and golden! The Golden Potato mod is the true Elder Scrolls experience you’ve never had! Join the elite club of Golden Potato owners today.
Extra Apple Mod, $29.99
Have you ever walked into the Bannered Mare and thought to yourself: “Man, this place could use an extra apple.”? Well, worry no longer! “Extra Apple” adds another apple to the counter in the Bannered Mare.
This mod took many years to fully develope. Skyrim released in 2011, and only now do I feel that the mod is ready for a public release.
Extra Apple is still in beta, but I have decided to open it up to the public for further testing and developement. By purchasing Extra Apple, you are making an investment in one of the most exciting mods in Skyrim history. The price will continue to rise as more features are added. The future features I am planning include:
-Custom modeling, animation, and voice acting for the extra apple
-Adding more than one apple to the counter, possibly two or even (if this mod’s revenue can support me full time for several months) three extra apples
-Massive overhaul to every single gameplay system that there is no way I can feasibly develop
-Yet another shoddy attempt to fix the Civil War questline
-A custom follower who is just a clone of another NPC. This follower will behave exactly like all the followers in the base game, and have no custom dialogue. They will however have a different name, and perhaps a poorly constructed backstory
-A New Lands section of the game featuring a fully voiced 50 hour questline based on my awesome story idea I had in class last Tuesday
Micro Transactions, $49.99
Do you not have much time? Or you do you just want to get through the game as quick as possible? Well, you’re in damned luck! I’m introducing, micro transactions! An easy way to get any item as long as you work for it! All the money goes straight to charity, me!
Chicken Companion, $0.49
The mod adds a chicken companion wearing a helmet and backpack to the game. He can be found standing in front of High Hrothgar. The chicken counts as an animal follower, can be used with a normal human follower and does not effect stealth.
Steam Main Menu Replacer, $0.49
To celebrate paid mods on steam, here’s a brand new main menu screen, with a steam theme!
Rubbish! $2.49
This mod adds rubbish to skyrim.
Features:
Three exciting pieces of rubbish are added to The Bannered Bare floor as you enter!
These items inculde:
- blood rag
- soul gem shard
- plate
*New*
-burned book -fork
=====Update 1.11===== Fork changed to Dwarven fork
=====Update 1.1===== Thank you everyone for you wonderful support I have been working hard to bring you the new update! In this chilling new update you will find that the pile has grown and now contains a burned book and a fork! -Pimp your crib further with two new items! -combine the fork with the plate for almost a full set! -unravel the mystery behind these objects ~how do the book get burned? ~who’s blood is on the rags? -or just sell these items for more gain!
This also has a follow-up mod, Rubbish! Bucket DLC for $1.49. You need the first rubbish mod to make the bucket mod to work, hilariously enough.
Epic Helgen Bear Overhaul, $99.99
Makes the bear in the Helgen Keep caves much larger, resulting in a more challenging, realistic, dramatic, immersive and lore-friendly final battle.
——————————- Release history ——————————-
2015-04-24 - Release 2: Added a small bear cub in the cave, and made the mother bear even larger for the ultimate bear combat experience. NOTE! I made the mod slightly more expensive because there are now two bears instead of just one.
Kill Jerlov, $0.25
This mod allows you to kill Jerlov, the quest giver NPC that is normally invulnerable in Jimo’s $0.50 USD “Lambda Locator” mod. It also makes it so he can not detect when you are sneaking nearby, making for amusing and interesting stealth kills which will probably result in a spinning death animation anyway. Pickpocketing or killing Jerlov will allow you to loot the Crowbar he uses in place of a retaliating NPC’s typical Iron Dagger. Don’t attempt non-discreet combat with Jerlov on low level characters with no gear. You can get to Jerlov quickly by typing “coc NightgateInn” in console.
100% of the portion of Valve’s split goes to Nexus Mods.
Fish Companion, $0.25
The mod adds a part cyborg part fish part gentleman companion to the game. He can be found at the Solitude docks (see picture for exact location). The fish counts as an animal follower, can be used with a normal human follower, is voice acted with corresponding subtitles and does not effect stealth.
You can check out all of the available Skyrim mods on Steam here.