Hey, it’s Toad, loyal pal of Princess Peach and Mario. Who doesn’t love Toad? What are you up to, buddy? How’s it hangin— Oh. Oh no.
This clip of someone seemingly stomping on Toad’s whole dick—which, as long as we’re opening this Pandora’s Box, probably has its own little face—comes to us courtesy of Nintendo’s official Line account. Line is a messaging service that’s popular in Japan but also available in North America. Nintendo’s advertising on Line often includes a green Toad who’s appeared alongside characters in games like Undertale and Final Fantasy X in those games’ art styles. It’s charming! Kinda. Never once, however, have I thought, “Wow, I sure do want to learn more about Green Toad.” Never once have I said, “I wonder if Green Toad enjoys dick torture.”
Today, Nintendo answered the question no one asked. As part of a Green Toad-themed promo for the new Nintendo Labo VR kit, which came out today, Nintendo showed off a cardboard Toad getting stomped on and making a series of deeply uncomfortable noises. Supposedly, he was doing sit ups, as evidenced by the image of a super buff Green Toad that appeared immediately afterward. The internet, however, had other ideas.