Wrong Side of the Tracks (GTA: San Andreas)

Fuck this mission. Even if you’ve never played San Andreas, you already know about this damn clusterfuck. Rockstar itself has referenced it and the memes surrounding it. At this point, it’s become more well-known as a silly meme that people joke about online more than an actual mission. But don’t let the internet distract you: This mission isn’t funny. It just blows.

Wrong Side of the Tracks has you follow a train while driving a dirt bike with Big Smoke riding in back. Big Smoke is supposed to shoot at enemies on the train who you need to kill before they get away. Big Smoke is a terrible shot and will often just miss endlessly, and if he kills even one, you’re lucky. Add some random bullshit from passing cars and the fact that during all of this you have to be careful to not crash your bike or you’ll lose the train and you have a real shitshow of a mission.

If and when you fail, you’ll hear the famous line “All we had to do was follow the damn train C.J.!” The number of times I heard that as a kid…I screamed many, many times at Big Smoke. That bastard stole hours of my youth, but at least he’s my friend and will never betray me

Whew, that’ll do it for me. I’m pretty confident these are the worst PS2-era Grand Theft Auto missions, but if you’ve got your own picks, please share in the comments! As for me, time to focus on my breathing and go to my happy place.