When I first heard about the actually real product Sprite + Tea, I was intrigued. I like tea. I like Sprite. In fact, I’d go as far as to say Sprite is one of my favorite soft drinks. But would this odd combo work? Would it be my new favorite drink on a hot Summer day? No. It sucks.
My first experience with Sprite + Tea started in May when I scrolled past the headline for an article about the new flavor combination. “That sounds interesting,” I thought to myself. On our way to get groceries, I asked my wife to stop at a Quick Trip so I could procure a bottle of Sprite + Tea. Looking at the bottle, my first impression of the drink was bad. The brownish liquid inside looked gross next to the green packaging. Worse, the Sprite + Tea bottle has yellow on it and next to the brown it just looks like a pee and poop joke. It looks like a soda I’d buy in Grand Theft Auto 6.
Once we got back to the car, I cracked it open and could smell the lemon-lime Sprite as usual. But there was something else, something different, lurking in the scent cloud that wafted out of the bottle. In hindsight, it was a warning. I should have heeded it. I’m foolish. I’m a rebel. I’m an idiot.
The first sip I took of Sprite + Tea initially tasted like Sprite. Then, a moment later, it tasted like the worst tea I’d ever consumed. Then it tasted like Sprite again, then the bad, fake artificial tea flavor appeared once more. This weird flip-flop occurred a few times in my mouth before, eventually, all I was left with was a sweetly sick aftertaste.
“Is it good?” my wife asked me. I shook my head violently and sputtered out something like, “Oh, god, it’s awful.” She laughed. An odd reaction to your spouse drinking poison. Then she took a sip and a moment later stopped laughing. “That’s awful!”
After a few more sips, I was convinced that I just hated Sprite + Tea. It turned my stomach. It made me angry, too. Not only did it taste bad, but even the name and bottle were so lazy. Sprite + Tea? Really, that’s all you got?
I tried Sprite + Tea again recently, on a very hot day. I thought maybe that would help. It didn’t. This shit is bad. It’s really really bad. Ban it from stores. Avoid at all costs. Just buy some normal Sprite. It’s so good. And it doesn’t look like a bottle of diarrhea, too.
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