You did it. You finally got that sweet armor set you’ve been assembling for days. You look like a million bucks. Time to parade around town being shiny AF and... oh no. You found a new chest plate with slightly better stats. Have fun being a damn circus clown for the next 20 hours.

I’ve been playing a lot of Zelda: Breath of the Wild lately, and I have to admit: my Link has been the victim of more than a few fashion crimes.

This outfit almost works, until you realize that the Blood Mohawk Helm Of Genghis Khan looks goofy as heck on beautiful boy-man Link Zeldanson, the tunic is a patchwork quilt torn from the loving hands of somebody’s grandmother, and the greaves belong in a different fantasy universe altogether. But the helm grants me an attack bonus! And I’ve got a fairy power-up on my tunic! It’s like my grandmother always used to say: “Form comes second to function when giants won’t stop stomping on you.”

This is hardly the only ugly outfit my Link has spent hours running around in. Here are others:

Advertisement

Also, special props to my friend Andrew Goldfarb, who has resolutely dedicated himself to playing through all of Breath of the Wild with Link in a Nintendo Switch shirt:

Advertisement

Other examples: I was guilty of making Geralt look like he got fashion advice from a rock troll in The Witcher 3, and I’ll never forget my Tauren shaman in World of Warcraft, who spent most of his hardcore raiding glory days looking like a mix between a Christmas tree and a grade school paper mache volcano experiment.

Basically, this video from ProZD sums it up:

What are the worst fashion crimes you’ve committed in the name of stats (or because, god forbid, you enjoy being the outfit equivalent of any dance club mash-up involving “Last Resort” by Papa Roach)? Show and/or tell us below!