Saluting Fallout 3's Beards

Illustration for article titled Saluting Fallout 3s Beards

I'm a vain man. Normally, when I play a game that makes use of character creation, I forgo the chance to craft a completely fictional human being in favour of replicating my own mug shot. Which normally leads to problems. See, I have a beard. And not some wispy chinstrap beard, either. A beard. And games, games just don't do beards. If they give you the option of using one on a custom character at all, normally you're choosing from an awful selection of mid-90s goatees and metrosexual moustaches, and/or the resulting "beard" is nothing but a paint texture applied to your character's face. So it's a joy to see that, when it comes to beards, Fallout 3 does beards better than any other game in the history of games.Those who have played Fallout 3 will already know this. And will already have a character running around Megaton sporting an Honest Abe. Or maybe a Fu Manchu. Those who haven't, man, you're in for a treat. Because Fallout 3 doesn't have beards. It has a smorgasbord of beards. Bethesda's Todd Howard has said:

There are not scars or tattoos you can pick. But, there are beards. And not just any beards. We have them all. We have the most ridiculous list of beards in any game, ever. One of our artists went crazy with beards and didn't stop.


He is not lying. There are dozens of beard choices. Dozens. From massive, bushy road warrior things to overgrown mutton chops to dirty old man moustaches. And the best part? These aren't hasty paint jobs. The beards, and even moustahces, are additional models. Your massive, flowing beard is a solid object, which protrudes noticeably from your character's face. And it's noticeable, because no game has ever let you create a character with anything like it. So Bethesda, as a bearded man who likes his in-game characters to also be bearded...I salute you. (sorry there's no in-game beard shots, but I couldn't find any, and there's no way in hell I'm re-rolling my guy just to take a screengrab)

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Sigh. I just shaved off my beard of dooooom this morning. And this post just made me very sad.


That was me yesterday at this time. Now, its all gone :(

Soon. It will return.

For now, i cry.