Pretend Toilets in Video Games

Illustration for article titled Pretend Toilets in Video Games

Having another crack at Heavy Rain. I'll give it this much, it's certainly unlike anything else I've ever played but to be honest, once the novelty of being able to make this dude take a piss in pretty much every scene he's in wears off the frustration of not being able to make him CALL THE POLICE is fucking massive.

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For a game that leans so heavily on story to keep you playing it could have used another twenty or thirty rewrites.

YOU LOSE AGAIN, STORYTELLING IN VIDEOGAMES.

Still, digital pissing.

Illustration for article titled Pretend Toilets in Video Games
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I'm not 100% sure what the first ever video game toilet I encountered was (probably Jet Set Willy. Or How To Be A Complete Bastard, that would definitely have had a toilet in it) but Red Dead Redemption is almost certainly the first time I've ever encountered an in game arc of piss. Feels like I rarely play a game that doesn't feature at least one toilet in it, nice to see this one get some use. More so than my actual toilet probably, given that my sick old arse refuses to let anything go these days.

Illustration for article titled Pretend Toilets in Video Games

Anyway, modern videogames are fucking OBSESSED with toilets. They are everywhere. I saw this bad boy less than five minutes into Rage.

Illustration for article titled Pretend Toilets in Video Games
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Just the other day I was playing the latest Deus Ex, a game about "the ethics of transhumanism, of humanity's reach exceeding its grasp" and was faced with this:

Illustration for article titled Pretend Toilets in Video Games
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Mostly though I never in my life thought I'd live long enough to see, nor did I particularly ever want to see where Link has a shit.

Illustration for article titled Pretend Toilets in Video Games
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Some poor fucker has to build all these digital bogs.

Michael J Dolan is a stand up comedian who plays games more than he works. You can see more of his stuff at Dress to Depress.

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Republished with permission.

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DISCUSSION

I know there was that big shit monster in Conker's Bad Fur Day, but did the game show any arcs of piss? Also, wasn't there some peeing involved in the original Duke Nukem? What was the first game to have a character pee? I must know.

EDIT Sorry to be the zillionth person to mention a Duke Nukem. That's what I get for posting the instant I reach the comments section without checking. Sorry!