Exploring the vast endlessness of the universe just got a whole lot sexier (and maybe a little weird.) NSFW warning!
For over a year now, one intense fan has been writing erotic fanfiction about No Man’s Sky, a game he has not actually played. Appropriately named “SeanMurrayInsideMe,” he is using sexy stories to satirize the intense hype surrounding the game. It’s genius, albeit a bit uncomfortable since it involves real people.
If the name didn’t clue you in on it, SeanMurrayInsideMe is obsessed with Sean Murray, the programmer behind No Man’s Sky. The first sensual piece SMIM penned was titled “My Evening Interview at Hello Games,” and you can hear Unassigned Reading perform it below:
More recently, SMIM wrote a fanfic titled “THE CENTRE OF THE GALAXY,” which is a reference to the recent controversy regarding how long it would take to beat No Man’s Sky. You can read the whole thing here, but I’ll excerpt some of the juiciest bits below.
The story begins with the protagonist, Gareth, working at a GameStop. Unbeknownst to him, Sean Murray comes into the store and gives him a special virtual reality device loaded with No Man’s Sky. When Gareth realizes what happened, he freaks:
“JEEPERS!” Gareth shouted, as he suddenly realized who the strange man had been - Sean Murray, the creator of No Man’s Sky! (Not the shitty faker Sean Murray from NCIS - fuck that guy.) Having only been aware of the game for a short time, he had only seen photos of the game’s creator once or twice. Wait til I tell my Twitch followers I met Sean Murray! They’ll flip! he thought to himself.
Naturally, Gareth starts playing the game:
Gareth was hit with a sensory overload unlike any he had ever experienced. His entire field of vision was taken up by the alien world he had saved his game on. He tilted his head to see the outline of two alien moons peaking through the green, musty atmosphere of the alien world, like a lady’s bosom in the mist of a sauna. A friendly creature passed within a meter of Gareth. Everything looked so real; it felt as if he could reach out and touch it. Then, somehow, to his utter surprise, he did touch it. He could feel the animal’s coarse, curly fur as it moved under his hand. A shiver ran down Gareth’s spine, slowly fading out as it reached his pelvis.
Immediately, Gareth decides to get to work and find the center of the galaxy, which is said to hide a secret for any player who reaches it. To his surprise, the center of the galaxy is a black hole. This is where things start going off the rails:
Gareth soon realized the hole was not as far as he had initially perceived. Rather, it was very small. He flew his ship as close as possible and stopped. For the first time, the game gave him the option to eject from his ship in space. He left the ship and drifted towards the hole using his jet pack. It appeared to be no more than an inch wide. How peculiar, he thought. He paused for a moment and gazed at it. It’s gorgeous.
Somehow, instinctively, in his most primitive of urges, he knew what to do. He peeled off his space suit - save for his helmet - and stuck his (procedurally generated) dick into the black hole. He could see space-time bending slightly around the base of his penis, the rest of which had disappeared from view into the hole. It felt unlike anything he’d ever experienced.
Gareth began slowly thrusting in and out of the black hole. He felt at peace with the entirety of creation - every human and every animal, every star and every atom - as the very coils of the universe rubbed against his hard cock.
That’s not all:
Gareth continued fucking a black hole for about ten minutes. He soon felt climax approaching, and pulled out to prevent it. He didn’t want this awe-inspiring tidal wave of sensual pleasure to end just yet. As he was catching his breath, another penis poked through the black hole. Gareth could not tell who it belonged to; all he could see was a lone penis sticking out of the black hole.
“Hello again,” a familiar voice said, drifting faintly from the black hole. Gareth recognized it immediately this time. Somewhere, in another galaxy, Sean Murray was sticking his virtual penis into the other side of the black hole. “I see you’re enjoying the helmet,” he said seductively. “Now bend over and enjoy this.”
The best part is when he starts poking fun at the features that everybody lauds:
Gareth did as he said, and began to rub himself as Sean penetrated him from behind. Gareth was again very quickly about to orgasm, and as it approached, the procedurally generated background music began to crescendo accordingly.Truly magnificent soundtrack, 65daysofstatic, Gareth thought. And truly magnificent penis, Sean. As he was seconds away from climax (something the helmet was somehow able to discern) all the stars in the sky before him began to fade away.
Gareth eventually finds out that the true prize at the center of the galaxy is the ability to create an entirely new universe with his ejaculation, which of course is explorable. Nice.
Better yet, Sean Murray reveals himself to have but one more ace up his sleeve at the end of the story:
“What else could you have to surprise me with?” Gareth said. “You’ve already given me everything I ever wanted in life: A nearly infinite, gorgeously stylized space exploration game with open-ended gameplay, lush ecosystems and seamless surface-to-space transition...”
Sean cut Gareth off mid-sentence, “’...and sex with whoever created it.’ Yeah I get that a lot.”
Gareth opened his mouth to speak again but Sean continued before he could ask anything else.
“And no I don’t have a second dick.”
“Oh,” Gareth uttered, feeling slightly less special, despite having just created a galaxy with his semen.
“No,” Sean continued, speaking with more excitement. “This surprise is for everyone watching.”
Gareth ripped off his helmet in embarrassment. In the thrill of full body virtual reality, he had completely forgotten he had began a Twitch live stream when he booted up the game. There were now nearly 9,000 people who had been watching his virtual sex romp.
I’m still in disbelief that this exists, but thinking about it, it’s pretty perfect, no? Discussion of No Man’s Sky is often masturbatory, thanks to how often people act like it will be the end-all-be-all game.
Sean Murray himself has not acknowledged the fanfiction, though SMIM has some words for him whenever he does: