Meet Lorenzen Patsatzoglou. He’s a better scorer than Steph Curry, a stronger rebounder than DeAndre Jordan, and, although this may sound a bit premature, I’d say he might go down as the best player in NBA history. Or at least NBA video game history.
Lorenzen Patsatzoglou, aka Frequency Vibrations, aka The Bodyguard, is 7'3 and weighs 295 lbs. This is only his second year in the league, but he’s averaging 33.4 points and 20 rebounds a game, not to mention 3.5 blocks. There’s room to grow there. Season’s not even halfway over. Also, I should note, he spent his first 20 games coming off the bench.
I created Patsatzoglou in NBA 2k16's MyCareer mode a couple of months ago, first as a point guard and then again, later, as a center. He wrecked his way through high school and college, suffering through sports movie cliche after cliche as he got drafted by the Boston Celtics, then was unceremoniously released. He joined the Golden State Warriors in his second season, once the dreadful Spike Lee story had ended. Then he started to dominate the paint, first as a backup averaging 15 minutes per game, then as the starting center and focal point of the team’s offense. (Steph who?)
Now, despite a passable 78 rating, Patsatzoglou is destroying everyone else in the league.
Patsatzoglou’s goal, of course, is to become the league MVP. It’s a grind. I’ve changed the default 2k16 setting from six minutes per quarter to 12—the amount of time in an actual NBA game—so Patsatzoglou’s stats scale accordingly. I can skip through the periods that my boy isn’t playing, but he’s averaging 35-37 minutes a game now, so powering through the 82-game season will take me at least 40 hours. (MyCareer mode does let you skip games and have everything play out automatically, but if I do that, I risk letting the computer give Patsatzoglou a bad game, which might seriously hurt my MVP shot.)
It’s surprisingly difficult to be this dominant in NBA 2k16. There are some weird glitches—three-second violations get called way too often—and even when you’re 7'3, you can’t just post up on every possession and get a good look. You have to make smart decisions: picking and rolling, boxing out, passing quickly when you’re double-teamed. It’s easy to get called for moving screens, and just as easy to land out-of-bounds after grabbing a board.
Still, the grind continues. Patsatzoglou has a dream, and that dream is to win MVP, no matter what it takes. Stay tuned.