Muscle March Seems A Little More Than E10+ Described This Way

Illustration for article titled Muscle March Seems A Little More Than E10+ Described This Way

When the bizarre, oiled-up bodybuilders of Namco Bandai's WiiWare racing-puzzler Muscle March meet the in-depth, often clinical descriptions of the ESRB, sometimes we see games in a whole new light.

And maybe it's just the exposed flesh to "super-tight Speedos" ratio, but Muscle March seems somehow a little more deserving of something beyond an E10+ rating and that "comic mischief" doesn't quite describe... this. But here's how the Entertainment Software Ratings Board would describe Muscle March.

Bodybuilders dressed in super-tight Speedos chase down a "protein thief" through cities, villages, and space in this whimsical puzzle-action game. Pedestrians, straphangers, school teachers, farmers, police officers, and librarians are fully clothed as they go about their business; the bodybuilders-not so much. Players must perform correct poses to fit through dozens of holes-in-walls created by the fleeing thief. If players do not pose correctly while running, their muscle men (and one woman) will crash through the walls and lose their stamina. Losing stamina means collapsing to the ground face-first, buttocks-last (flexed gluteus facing the screen). It may also mean that between stages, the happy bodybuilders can dance together in space, throw rocks by the riverside, or flex their pectorales major on menu screens (the lone female bodybuilder flexes her chest muscles, too). But the running gag in the game is the odd juxtaposition of traipsing bodybuilders, scantily clad, with the fully clothed working city dwellers-librarians' eyes agape at seeing their reference sections destroyed by the Posing Ones.


Muscle March [ESRB]

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What the garbage is this?!?