Just when you thought you were done hunting monsters, bam! Capcom drops a free title update adding two new ferocious beasts to conquer and “a new ending to advance the story,” which is not how endings work but that’s what Capcom says, so we’ll run with it.
Monster Hunter Rise version 3.0 goes live this evening at around 8 p.m. ET, at which point players will gain access to a new questline in which Wind Serpent Ibushi and Thunder Serpent Narwa will finally meet. These two legendary creatures emerge every 50 years to mate with one another, terrifying local monsters causing them to flee into Kamura Village, which seems like a very bad thing. I guess we’ll find out tonight.
The update also adds a pair of new massive monsters to battle. First up there’s Crimson Glow Valtrex. An elder dragon whose side effects include immolation, massive claw and bite wounds, stomach cramps, and in some cases, death. Ask your doctor about Crimson Glow Valtrex.
Then we have Apex Zingore, which is a regular Zingore that plays a lot of Apex Legends. It gets angry because its massive paws are too big for the mouse, causing it to constantly let down its team.
The free title update is accompanied by a paid DLC pack, which includes new hunter voices, costumes, and other cosmetic junk. I mean treasures. Cosmetic treasures. One of them turns your bird into a tiny dragon, which is almost adorable enough to spend money on. Almost.
Again, the update launches tonight so rest up, hydrate, and remember to consult your physician to see if prescription strength Crimson Glow Valtrex is right for you.