Let's Discuss Alan Wake Episode Three - Now

Illustration for article titled Lets Discuss Alan Wake Episode Three - Now

Let's go back to me in high school. Sophomore year. English class. Camus' The Plague. None us read it. The teacher made us sweat it out silently. You talk about Alan Wake Episode 3 please. I, uh, am behind!

Sorry folks, but your Game Club hits rough waters today thanks to a skipper spending his weekend out of town and then too distracted by the Lost finale to get to the third episode of Alan Wake. (The skipper was also probably spending too much time mixing metaphors.)

So YOU get to lead the discussion of Alan Wake's third episode. Don't you worry. I'll be caught up for tomorrow's discussion of the fourth episode.

Note: Our Alan Wake Game Club will return Tuesday, at the same hour, 3pm Kotaku Time (5pm ET/ 1pm PT) with a discussion of the game's fourth episode

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Just finished Alan Wake chapter 3. I have been very, very kind up to this point in my assessments of the first 2 chapters (despite being VERY mixed and/or disappointed with them). Now it's time to get brutal:

The game is repetitive, bland, generic, a waste of time and has bad level design, junk controls, pathetic "horror" (or "thriller" if you prefer). Is filled with lame product placement. Has boring characters. This game is, truth be told, the biggest fucking waste of $60 ever shoved on the gaming public. Unless you like screen-tear and TERRIBLE voice acting. And why would you like that?

If you are a REAL fan of survival horror and/or Twin Peaks the reasonably priced Deadly Premonition ($19.99) is for you. Microsoft wants me to keep the disc I bought new around for another 2 months so I can receive another bland, boring, repetitive chapter? Fat chance! This game is going to GameStop faster than you can say, "trade-in."

As a Finnish individual, I wanted to love this. But it really sucks. It isn't scary. It isn't fun. The plot isn't intriguing. The first 3 levels were the first 3 levels, meaning they had no variation. And the game was so pathetically easy — even playing on Hard — it deserves some sort of video game raspberry award.

If you like this title, more power to you. I wish I were easily pleased. But now that you've introduced yourself to survival horror (I could give a crap less what MS's PR dept. is calling it — it's a survival horror game — just a bad one), get some REAL games with REAL challenges in this genre. The first 3 Silent Hills. The first 4 Resident Evils (along with Code Veronica). The first couple Fatal Frames.

Alan Wake is a total waste of time. If you like the Twin Peak thing, Deadly Premonition is your choice. It isn't just a little better. It wipes the floor with Alan Wake. Alan Wake is one of the most — hell, THEE most — generic "survival horror" title I've ever touched.

Go to hell, Alan. And Microsoft. And anyone else involved in this bland disaster.

I won't be playing the last couple chapters. The game is intolerable. I really did give it a fair chance.

'Nuff said.