Let Me Choose My Own Pokémon Uniform You Cowards

Illustration for article titled Let Me Choose My Own Pokémon Uniform You Cowards

At the Gyms in Pokémon Sword and Shield, you can buy cool, alternate uniforms for your little Pokémon Trainer. You’ll win the uniforms of Gym Leaders you defeat as well. You won’t be able to wear them to Gym Battles, though, and that’s bullshit.


Look at how cool this Poison Type Gym Uniform is:

Illustration for article titled Let Me Choose My Own Pokémon Uniform You Cowards

I would wear this every day in real life. Those socks are tight as hell and that color combination is one of my favorites. Given that I have a couple of Poison types that I rely on in my Pokémon team, when I saw this outfit, I knew that that was what I wanted to wear into battle. I saved up $18,000 in Pokémon currency—not a small amount of Poké-bucks—to buy that uniform. From there, I thought I’d be given an option to select which uniform I wanted to wear to a gym battle. That option never presented itself, because it does not exist.

Here’s your normal uniform, for reference. Everyone that challenges Gym Leaders wears it. It makes you look like an absolute herb.

Illustration for article titled Let Me Choose My Own Pokémon Uniform You Cowards

I get why, narratively, you shouldn’t be able to change your Gym Uniform. In sports, uniforms are garments meant to deliver a simple and specific message: you are a participant in a sport. It contains all the information that viewers need—a number to identify you, a pattern to represent what team or level of competition you are on—and that information is easy to parse.


The thing is, Pokémon is a video game, and it’s a video game with character customization. I can make my character have pink hair and rainbow eyes. I want to wear the freaking Poison Type Gym Uniforms and I don’t want to look like a dweeb.

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Hey, something Kotaku and I actually agree on in regards to Sword & Shield!

Yes, I know Galar’s Gyms are more like sports and sports players have uniforms, but ya know what? Real players wear uniforms because they’re on teams. You’re not on an actual team. You’re essentially a college player getting ready for the Draft. You should be able to wear any official uniform you want.

And while we’re at it, why the fuck didn’t Game Freak port over the custom Poké Ball toss animations from Gen 7? Should’ve taken them less than an hour to port it over.

But hey, we have a game where the two largest Pokémon ever created get shrunk down to about 10% their normal size when in battle, despite hardware restrictions not being a thing anymore, so that’s great, right?