Leave My Sims Alone, You Damn Dracula!

Fuck this guy.
Screenshot: The Sims 4

It’s 3 a.m. and your Sims are asleep. They’ve had a long day helping out the kids with homework, making sure the cat doesn’t destroy the furniture, and taking an entire hour to eat meals. They need this rest, badly, or else the kids will be cranky for school and the adults will go to work exhausted. As you’re watching them peacefully snooze and planning their next day, someone knocks on the door in the middle of the night. Who is it? It’s fucking Vlad the vampire, again.

When The Sims 4 got vampires in 2017, I was as happy as any other young woman who’s obsessed with the movie version of Queen Of The Damned. I immediately made Akasha (Aaliyah’s character), and all was well.

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What I didn’t realize is that one of the pack’s premade Sims, Vlad, would show up every goddamn night.

In order to introduce you to the vampire mechanics, The Sims 4 will usually have a vampire pay you a visit and suck your blood. The first time, it’s cool. The hundredth time, you’ll be carving stakes. Having your blood drained will make your sim tired and uncomfortable all day, which is a real drag if you had an important day at work or wanted your Sim to propose. It also doesn’t help that Vlad is a total dweeb.

Screenshot: The Sims 4

Vlad is a classic, Nosferatu-style vamp with gray hair, a pointy nose, and a generally old-timey appearance. Depending on how you play, his appearance in your town could be unsightly or downright nonsensical. If he shows up at your house, then you automatically know your Sims are fucked.

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It’s not just the ruined day or the blood sucking. It’s that he shows up all the goddamn time. If you’re playing a new family, you’d better count on seeing Vlad before too long. Much like the vampiric curse itself, you can’t get rid of the guy, unless you’re willing to cheat.

I’ve taken to downloading the Teleport Any Sim mod to send him away when he arrives. But if a Sim is awake at your house when everyone else is sleeping, it’ll turn off the game’s overnight super speed, grinding progress to a halt. If you’re really unlucky, it’ll also break the super speed for that night, meaning you’re stuck watching your Sims sleep. It seems Vlad has the vampiric ability to annoy you in real life, which wasn’t noted as a feature of the pack.

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I can’t bring myself to delete Vlad, though, as irritating as he is. While I rarely play vampires, I like having them around. The unpredictability does add some flavor to the game, even if it ruins my well-laid plans. Maybe someday I’ll befriend Vlad and have him turn one of my Sims. Or I’ll put him in a 4-by-4 room with a glass roof. Let’s see where my mood takes me.

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