I love Ghostbusters. I also love donuts. So why am I intimidated by the prospect of Krispy Kreme's newly announced "exclusive offer of two new marshmallow Kreme™-filled Ghostbuster treats?" Well, can you imagine biting into that face?
These two cheerful-looking deserts are part of a seasonal campaign that Krispy Kreme is conducting in partnership with Sony to commemorate the 30th anniversary of Ghostbusters this Halloween. Here's how Krispy Kreme describes the donuts in its press release, emphasis mine:
Ghostbusters Doughnut: A marshmallow Kreme-filled shell topped with white icing, a decorative green "splat" inspired by Slimer, and a Ghostbusters logo sugar piece.
Stay Puft Marshmallow: A marshmallow Kreme-filled shell topped with white icing, decorated with Stay Puft Marshmallow Man's familiar face and a sugar piece hat.
His familiar face! Just imagine the horror of seeing white goo ooze out of that familiar face before you go pre-order a batch. Yes, Krispy Kreme is also offering pre-orders, since they emphasize that the donuts will only be available in story in a limited supply from September 29th to October 31st.
Don't get me wrong: cute things are great, as are sugary things. But we have to draw the line somewhere, lest we allow years and years of decapitating helpless Sour Patch Kids turn us into candy-guzzling monsters, utterly desensitized to the violence we're subjecting them to. There's a reason why bears are the established gummy standard, and not gummy kittens...or something similarly perverse.