Kotaku's 2008 Gift Guide of Obscene Nicety and Sublime Naughtiness

Illustration for article titled Kotaku's 2008 Gift Guide of Obscene Nicety and Sublime Naughtiness

By: Kotaku Staff

I bet we fooled you. You saw all of those console-specific gift guides rolling out, all of those reviews, and you probably thought we had kicked our outsider ways.

You thought that maybe we had forgotten our roots of obscene nicety and sublime naughtiness. You were wrong.


Here for your second year of enjoyment, hot from Kotaku Tower, comes the year's It list for gaming goodies. Sure, you can ask for a copy of a game, but wouldn't you rather have a rubber stamp fit for a gaming President, a jacket fit for a underground Street Fighter, or maybe an underground secret lair?

Mandatory Secret Santa (Under $20)

Illustration for article titled Kotaku's 2008 Gift Guide of Obscene Nicety and Sublime Naughtiness

MMO Calendar 2009 ($12.95): Ah, the calendar. How would we know what date it was without them? Well yes, most watches, game systems, cell phones, computer clocks, and televisions, but none of these are quite as pretty as the 2009 MMO Calendar, featuring artwork from MMO games both old and new everything from World of Warcraft and Pirates of the Burning Sea to unreleased games like DC Universe Online and The Agency. The best part is that all proceeds go towards the St. Jude Children's Research Hospital, so if your giftee doesn't appreciate it they are some sort of cold, callus child hater.
Arcade Mania: The Turbo-charged World of Japan's Game Centers ($19.95): You know him, you love his erotic game posts, now own the book with his name printed on the cover. Brian Ashcraft's inside look at the oddball culture that is Japan's still thriving arcade scene.
Shooting Watch ($19.90): Impress the ladies with your ability to press a button. Fast. No, really fast. Hudson's Shooting Watch gives you the opportunity to out-press expert button presser Takahashi Meijin who can rack up 16 presses a second. That's up to 960 presses a minute!
Mighty Muggs Vinyl Figures Gone Mainstream ($12.99 and Up): Vinyl toys aren't just for elite hipsters anymore! Hasbro's Mighty Muggs line offers the superdeformed uniformity of custom vinyl with the familiarity of some of the company's hottest toy lines, like Star Wars, Marvel Comics, and GI Joe. They've even got Transformers versions coming out in January, with a lovable little classic Megatron for which you'll want to wait.
Super Mario Brothers Coin Bank ~ Green (1up) ($16): 1up your savings with this New Super Mario Bros. bank. Lacking any bells and whistles, it's a classic piggy bank for a now classic DS title.
Dissidia Final Fantasy Potion ($ 6.90) Dissidia in a can to replenish your HP. The latest Final Fantasy "potion" from Square Enix and beverage company Suntory comes in cans with Dissidia character illustrations on them.
Bionic Commando: Rearmed soundtrack and Bionic Commando original soundtrack ($9.99 and $2.99): Sumthing Digital has both, and numbered them accordingly, so you can compare the original chiptones with Simon Viklund's techno update. It's great workout music.
Left 4 Dead Movie Poster Pack ($14.99): All four stories of the zombie shooter, presented as bona fide grindhouse-style movie posters. Still awesome at twice the price.
Cowbell ($15): Guitars and drums are all well and good, but the band games of today are missing something. Something essential. And that something is the cowbell. Because everything and especially music games needs more cowbell.
Music To Play Games By ($10): British radio show/podcast OneLifeLeft is a regular forum for games-inspired music. Chiptunes, remixes, even normal songs that are just written about games. Their newly-released music compilation CD - Music To Play Games By - is a collection of some of the best of these.
Mugen Pop Pop Bubble Wrap White ICE ($14.95)
The socially acceptable face of obsessive-compulsive disorder, the Mugen Pop Pop will keep fingers busy and mind's disengaged duringthe most stressful circumstances.
World of Warcraft Mana Energy Potion ($7.75) Nobody would ever buy this for themselves, so we can only assume that the manufacturers need some sales in order to avoid financial meltdown. Do you bit for the economy AND ensure the WoW player in your life gets a vitamin boost.
Super Mario Brothers Mushroom Candy ($3.99): Sure it won't make your grow big, or even make you think you're growing big, but they are tasty treats you can carry around in a brightly colored mushroom.
All Your Base Are Belong to Us Stamp ($6.99): This little sucker keeps selling out of ETSY, only to be restocked weeks or months later, so it's a total potshot if you can land one. If you do, spend the rest of the day sitting around stamping important memos with "All Your Base Are Belong to Us" and pretend you're important... or illiterate, or both!


Relative You Don't Particularly Care For But Will Probably Bring A Gift For You ($21 to $50)

Illustration for article titled Kotaku's 2008 Gift Guide of Obscene Nicety and Sublime Naughtiness

The StealthSwitch ($24.99) The perfect way to keep your PC gaming under the radar when you are meant to be doing something else - like homework, office work, downloading pornography, etc.
The Art of the Video Game ($32): The coffee table book has long been the go-to gift for friends and relatives when you only know the very basics on where their interest lies. Josh Jenisch's The Art of the Video Game is a gorgeous hardcover book featuring tons of video game art covering the history of the industry, along with exclusive interviews with the creators and developers behind the games. It's the perfect way of saying, "Hey, I heard you were into those new-fangled video games."
Final Fantasy Plush Doll: Chocobo ($24.90): Turn frowns upside down forever with the Christmas-themed Chocobo from the Final Fantasy series. It's the yellowest stocking stuffer of the season!
Retro Duo Twin Video Game System NES & SNES ($44.99): If you can't bear the thought of laying down the Wii Points to replay NES and SNES games you already own, the Retro Duo Twin is the perfect solution. Put games in, hook up to TV, play. Brilliant!
Exercise Pedals ($27.99): Gamers don't move all that much. The more hardcore MMO players barely move at all. Even you may have experienced the cold sensation in your legs caused by the loss of circulation due to sitting at a desk for long periods of time. It's a problem easily solved by exercise pedals. Simple and inexpensive, a set of pedals is the ideal way to keep at least one part of your body fit while the rest of it sits on your ass.
Gears Of War Box Set ($45): They're toys! For Gears of War! So you can buy loads of them, and put them in your sandpit, and dig holes in it, and your Marcus and Dom guys can be all "ggrrrrrrrrr", and then "oh no!", and a hole opens up in the sand, and Locust come out, and they're all "ggrrrrrrrr", and then you're all "pew pew pew".
The Music Of Blizzard Entertainment: Legendary Edition ($49.95): The next best thing next to playing games is probably talking about them. Talk, however, is cheap, so the next best thing is listening to them, and listening experiences don't come better than this exquisitely-crafted soundtrack encompassing nearly all of Blizzard's games.
Tuttuki Bako Virtual Finger Game ($49.99): The barely-cared-for relative could make the ideal testing ground for this litmus test of a gift. Stick your finger in the hole. No, your finger.
Animated Pong Shirt ($34.95): And if you give this to a woman of ample bosom, now you have the perfect excuse for never making eye contact when you talk.
Rock Band 2 Triple Cymbal Expansion Kit Can't afford the Ion 2 Drum Set? Your little drummer boy, or girl, can set up these three cymbals and get crashing.
GA-KO Alarm Clock ($39.90): Limited to only 2,000 units, this is the same GA-KO alarm clock Sunny uses while cooking eggs in Metal Gear Solid 4. But hey, you can use it to quack your way out of bed in the morning. Rise and shine!
Mario Kart Wii Q Steer ($24): Vroom! Takara Tomy's Mario Kar Q Steer is a 1.7 inch mini remote controlled car able to move in 6 different directions. It even comes with Mario Kart items. Besides Mario, there are Yoshi, Luigi and Bowser Q Steer.
Donkey Kong Jenga ($24.99): In general I'm not a big fan of messing around with traditional toys and games, especially when it involves slapping the licenses IP of a video game onto it and calling it a day. But this DK Jenga does enough to make the game different, new and full of retro win.
Space Invaders Bendi Boad ($30 or so): Yes, I'm a Space Invaders freak, so this little bad boy tops my personal cmas list. OK, it doesn't TOP it, but it's on there. Space Invaders on a waterproof keyboard? Yes, please.


The Sweet Spot - Not too 'spensive, Not too cheap ($51 to $100)

Illustration for article titled Kotaku's 2008 Gift Guide of Obscene Nicety and Sublime Naughtiness

Tetris/Breakout Piggybank ($58.78): Use it as a way of saving spare change, or just rationing your play time. If you give this to a terrible player they will be a millionaire by next Xmas - GUARANTEED. (note - the manufacturers do not guarantee millionaire status)
Amano The Complete Prints 1991-2001 ($79.90): Best known for his Final Fantasy illustrations, Yoshitaka Amano also provided his beautiful asethetic to Squaresoft titles like Front Mission. This book is a collection of a decade of work, complete with full page recreations. Amano The Complete Prints features a short bio of the artist as well.
Udon's Art Of Capcom ($99): A collection of Capcom-inspired art from the team at Udon, long-time artistic collaborators with the home of Mega Man. Little heavy on the Street Fighter side of things (at the expense of other series like Resident Evil), but still a great book.
Metroid Prime - Zero Suit Samus Statue ($99.90): Limited to only 2,500 pieces, this Zero Suit Samus is hand painted and hand finished. Samus wouldn't have it any other way — and neither would you. Statue is based on the Metroid Prime 2 Echoes Zero Suit.
Tranquility All-Through-the Night Adult Diapers ($84.00) The perfect complementary gift for a gamer who is also receiving Dead Space this year. Pack of 56 will see them through extend play even after unlocking 'Impossible' difficulty.
BACtrack Digital Breathalyzer ($79.99) As we have proven conclusively, drink-driving can really ruin your GTA experience. Avoid future mishaps by either a) not drinking or b) careful use of this little guy.
Haier Cool Blue Color Cube Mini Refrigerator & Freezer ($99.98): Gaming would be so much nicer if we never had to eat, sleep, or use the restroom. While the Haier Color Cube Mini Fridge won't help you with sleep or going to the bathroom (unless you are extremely creative), it will take care of keeping snacks and drinks both cold and within arm's reach, while remaining stylish enough that friends might not notice what a lazy ass you are.
Triple Floating Wall CD DVD Media Storage ($78.72): Get those video games up off the floor and display them proudly with the Triple Floating Wall CD DVD Media Storage rack. It's attractive, it hangs on the wall, and according to Amazon it normally retails for $467.99, so the $78 price tag is a steal. It holds 523 CDs, 213 DVDs, or a combination of the two, meaning that folks clinging to their Dreamcast and Psone titles don't miss out on display opportunities.
The Warriors: Luther Action Figure ($99.99): Comes with bottles you can stick on the end of his fingertips to reenact the "Come out to play-y-y-y-y!" conclusion of this cult classic, which Rockstar brought to PS2 and Xbox back in '05.
Rogue Leaders: The Story of LucasArts ($60): Coffee table books and Christmas go together like melted chocolates down in the toes of a Christmas stocking. And now you can get one about a developer. Take a stroll down memory lane with SCUMM, Corley Motors, and the Freelance Police, among many old friends.
Nike/Nintendo Air Max Classic ($80-$90): Nintendo shoes. For your feet. And, unlike most game-related apparel, they're surprisingly tasteful. Not out in stores just yet, so you'll have to go the EBay, route, meaning a little research on fake internet sneakers could be in order.
Nintendo Wall Graphics ($69.99): In case the Space Invader stickers didn't float your boat last year, these bad boys let you create your own Super Mario levels on your wall. And don't even pretend you won't try running through it when you're done with your GI Joe "action figure".
Bandai Gun Alarm Clock ($69.99): Waking up isn't any fun, not unless it's noon and you're waking up to walk to a beach chair and a pitcher full of Mojitos. This bad boy takes the sting of the early morning doldrums, better still it makes you wake up enough to take aim and silence the damn noise.
Custom Colored Guitar Hero Controllers From Colorware ($99 and up): Having your PlayStation 3 or Nintendo DS professionally painted borders on a little silly, not to mention potentially warranty smashing. Brightly customized Guitar Hero controllers make a hell of a lot more sense, especially if you're desperate for a Famicom color scheme for your fake ax.
Dragon Quest Silver Slime Pendant ($87.99): What cold-hearted monster of a person doesn't love the enduring Slime character from Dragon Quest? Certainly not the jewelry wearing recipient on your Christmas shopping list.


Person You Are Or Hope To Be Sleeping With ($100 to $500)

Illustration for article titled Kotaku's 2008 Gift Guide of Obscene Nicety and Sublime Naughtiness

Real Arcade Pro 3 Special Addition ($189.90): Gear up for next year's fighting game flood — really just Street Fighter IV and Tekken 6 — with Hori's dee-luxe arcade stick. It's heavy, almost six pounds, due to its mounting plate. It's also authentic, thanks to its Sanwa parts.
Triumvir Shadoloo M-65 Jacket ($190.00): You'll enjoy fighting random foes online with style, thanks to Triumvir's take on the classic M-65 military jacket, decked out with Street Fighter details. It's classy, understated and a little bit bad-ass.
Video game Boom Cube ($119.00) Items of vibrating gaming furniture come and go, but few are described with the phrase "Interactive multimedia ottoman". In fact, none are - save this beauty.
Final Fantasy VIII: Master Arms Squalls Gunblade Die-Cast Replica ($129.99): Angst-filled backstory and ridiculous haircut not included.
Air Force II High Premium Atari 2600 ($100): Skateboarders who like classic consoles might get a kick out of these kicks, which feature 3M woodgrain around the soles, reminiscent of the original VCS.
World of Warcraft FigurePrints ($129.95 plus shipping): Statistically speaking, you know someone who is playing World of Warcraft right now, and if that person cannot pull themselves away from the game long enough to tell you what they want for Christmas, then what they want is a FigurePrint. It's a bit tricky to get one done, involving entering a drawing in order to even have a chance at ordering one, but when they unwrap the box to discover a meticulously detailed version of their alter ego under glass they might just stop playing long enough to give you a little lovin. Maybe.
PS3 Logitech Wireless Controller Premiere Edition ($249.99): Odds are someone you love also loves Guitar Hero, and should they love Guitar Hero and own a PlayStation 3 they are obviously someone with discerning tastes. Logitech's Wireless Premier Edition Guitar Hero controller was tailor made for the PS3 GH fan with discerning taste, with its rosewood fingerboard, wooden neck, and shiny metal tuning pegs. If they're going to have a fake guitar in their living room, it might as well be a gorgeous fake guitar.
Darth Vader 4-Port USB Hub ($69.99) and four <a href="Humping Dog USB Flash Drives ($9.99 each): Yeah, you see where we're headed with this combination ...
Chumby ($179.99): Sure you could use this friendly little beansack with an LCD to play games, or check out the weather, or watch videos, but better still, you can plop it on your nightstand and set it to Kotaku.com so we're the first thing you see when you wake up in the morning and the last you see when you go to sleep at night.
A Dog ($100-$500+): 2008 game meta-trend 1: Dogs. Fable 2 had one, Fallout 3 had one, and the dogs were crucial to the game. But you know what? They're make-believe dogs. And they were ugly. Real dogs are better. (Make sure the person you get one for really wants one first.)
MadCatz Street Fighter IV FightStick ($150): You weren't really going to play Street Fighter IV with a control pad, were you? A control pad? Hahahah. You silly thing. No, you don't want to use a control pad, you want to use one of these puppies. Do it properly.
Real Action Heroes - Metal Gear Solid 4: Guns of the Patriots - Raiden ($179.00): From Japanese figure maker Medicom comes this Raiden MGS4. The fully detailed figure is 12 inches high and is packaged with weapons and a figure stand.
Final Fantasy XII Sculpture Arts Pre-Painted PVC Statue: Balthier & Fran ($449.00): Need further proof that Japanese figure maker Kotobukiya isn't screwing around? Check this. Final Fantasy XII's Balthier and Fran tumble as an archway crumbles. It's limited and beautiful.
MiMo ($199): How better to feel like the master of your own destiny than with extra monitors that are tiny. The MiMo is a 7-inch touchscreen display with audio input, that uses a USB to give you that extra screen. Perfect for character sheets in most MMOs or, I don't know, watching Kotaku all the time.


Our Prices Are Insane ($500 and up)

Illustration for article titled Kotaku&#39;s 2008 Gift Guide of Obscene Nicety and Sublime Naughtiness

Underground Shelter Complex ($7,500,000): 2008 game meta-trend 2: The Apocalypse. Zombies, nuclear weapons, 2008 was all about the end of the world. And what better way to survive the end of the world than with this tunnel complex beneath London, which will not only keep the zombies and radioactive fallout at bay, but will supply you and 8000 friends/family with fresh drinking water and free pool. Free pool! Amazing.
Dream Arcades Octane 120 Now with Xbox 360 version! ($6995): It's the most fun you'll ever have drinking and driving! Dream Arcades has outdone themselves with the Octane 120 custom built driving arcade cabinet, featuring a luxurious driving seat, home theater PC, 120 inch HD projection screen, and a steering wheel controller that now comes in both PlayStation 2 and Xbox 360 compatible versions. Best of all, the Octane 120 comes with front AND rear beer taps, so your loved one can keep their drive drunk in their den without actually having to breach their home with their car.
Your own T72 Tank Starting at 50,000 Euro ($64,000): Sure, driving a tank in your favorite war game is fun and all, but where is the realism? HERE is the realism. TanksForSale.co.uk carries a wide variety of decommissioned military vehicles, ready to be deactivated enough to be legal for ownership in your particular country. Why would you want a tank? Aside from the obvious benefits of having a war machine in your back yard, this Russian T72 could easily be converted into the coolest war-gaming room ever, seating you and two friends in relative discomfort. Imagine rolling up to your next lan-party in this baby. Almost pays for itself, doesn't it?
Rent Roman ("Nominal fee"): Back in May, Jason Zumwalt, who voiced Roman Bellic in Grand Theft Auto IV, says he'll come over to your house and "play that goddamn video game with you." At least that's what he said in this satire video. Why not call his bluff? Zumwalt never says what his rate is, but residuals or no, he was surely paid five figures, at least, for his time. A thousand bucks should get you some quality time.
Drill-o-Matic ($4,769, Arcade version): The game that gave birth to a legend. If you've got the flow for this kind of gift, chances are you don't need to make a living off of it, like "Robert Jones." And who knows, maybe he'll show up at your door to completely bleed it of tickets.
Life-size Brotherhood of Steel Statue ($2500+): Back-to-base home alarms don't work. Guard dogs don't work. You want to deter unwanted guests, you pony up and get one of these guys. Standing over 7' tall, nothing says "stay the fuck away" like a protector of humanity's bleak, ravaged future.
Final Fantasy XII 1/1 Scale Artifacte: Judge Magister Gabranth's Helmet ($1,099) This Judge Magister Gabranth's helmet is 1/1 scale. Meaning? Meaning you might be able to figure out how to get the statue off it's display stand and wear it. Just think how great next Halloween would be!
Freedom Climber System ($9,995.00): Do games like Uncharted, Tomb Raider and Assassins Creed provide a realistic simulation of free climbing or not? Settle the debate once and for all with this cross between a climbing wall and an executive toy. Shipping free for a limited time!
Acer Predator ($1,500 and up): The real draw here is not this gaming PC's specs (Intel Core 2 Extreme, Nvidia nForce 780i SLI, 8GB memory), but what the PC's case does. It doesn't just "flip open". It transforms from a closed state to an open one. Do judge this book by its cover.
Your Own Missile Silo Retreat ($75,000): Sure Nebraska's Avoca Site 3 is a real fixer upper, but think of it more as a blank canvas, than as miles of leaking tunnels, water-filled rooms, deadly drops and perhaps a hang-out for the local teen tweakers. It used to (hopefully just used to) house city leveling missiles for cripes sake.
Isaburo Rucksack ($599.99) Boutique Japanese leatherworkers Isaburo, crafted this back around a hard PVC shell. Better still, the bag can be quickly configured as a backpack, messenger bag or attache. No one will ever know you've filled $600 in cow skin with DS, PSP, laptop and games.
A ride in John Carmack's crazy space fishbowl ($100,000): When he isn't developing the next generation of 3D engines or fiddling with amusing retro mobile games, iD's John Carmack helps run Armadillo Aerospace, a civilian spceflight outfit that is working on a 'fishbowl' orbital viewing platform for space tourists. Go on, you know you want to.
Eidos ($120 million): You can own all the intellectual properties under the Eidos umbrella for just a millions and millions and millions of dollars. Yes, SCi — now known as Eidos — is looking for a buyer. Don't let Warner Bros. or Square Enix steal this publisher out from under you!
Medieval Madness Pinball Machine ($5000): One of the greatest pinball machines of all time to feature the voiceover work of Tina Fey has been re-released for the low asking price of five grand USD. That's a bargain compared to the cost of a mint previously owned pinball table.

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You actually got a real lol out of me with the Darth Vader/Humping dog combination. Giving someone Eidos right now is like giving someone a lump of coal.....a really expensive lump of coal.