Last week’s ‘Shop Contest was a call-to-arms against the seasonal pumpkin spice craze. Our readers answered that call with both brutality and heavenly softness.

The idea, stolen from every science fiction show ever, was that if we could not defeat the pumpkin spice-craving masses through normal means we would assault them with ridiculous products until they overload and explode. You want a combination of cinnamon, cloves, ginger and nutmeg? We’ll give you what you want, what you really, really want.


And while some entries were more popular with the masses—the sick, demented masses—there was one entry that kept making me laugh every time I saw it.

Congratulations on the win, Gene Jacket. You imagined a product that would forever leave people wondering if that really was just cinnamon on their fingertips.

Without further ahhh...hee. Let’s do this.

This Week’s Runners-Up, Now With More... You Know

MadMallard — for Sugar, Pumpkin Spice and Everything Nice

Harry_Caray — for a less humane option

Lee the Panda — for somehow worsening Franzia

redder hood — because he lacks the willpower to resist

Octomus Prime — but only if its companion game is caramel apple

Toon’nHoon — for the special holiday edition of Conker’s greatest foe

Justacoolguy — welp.


SenpaiSoren — I’ll tell ya what I want, what I really, really want

Kanzier666 — So tell me what you want, what you really, really want.

SharedProphet — I wanna, (ha) I wanna, (ha) I wanna, (ha) I wanna, (ha)


CityShrimp — “Keep Out Of Reach Of Women”

The Dude — and now I’m hungry for meth

geeky_canuck — I can believe it

Dechta — mainly for the way spice is spelled here

wrecks — talk about your cinnamon challenge

Badonk — 20 years ago these would have been a real thing

Rufus — nobody tell Schreier

Shinrawr — awww, they spelled his name right and everything

Cakegolem — and you thought shiny ones were rare

dargvelk — I cannot comment here

ShiroNiKuma — for a completely original idea!

MrDeadScott — for a completely original idea!

codexcdm — because it’s good people

Mrichston — now we’re playing with it

KIREEK — for being the only one to do Trumpkin Spice

DistractedObserver — because it pairs well with Castle of Dark Illusions

jko3000 — now look at your man, now back at ARGGGHHHHH

Alphonso C. Burks — those honestly I think it’s all a big crock

Sylverfyst — for the pumpkin spice must flow

uscg_pa — because ewwwwwwww

Levintry — my favorite condom entry since...nevermind

Taurenrider — for being awesome and adding French

Tkeleth — for honoring the spirit of the competition

lharm — because it really couldn’t get any worse

Michael - because he pulled this entry out of his ass

Turbulence88 Might Be A Mazda Fanboy — for Starbucks Mario

SharedProphet — because does this smell like Chloroform to you? No!

Cody — because I threw up a little

Gorillanator — because I threw up a little more.

coolmanguy — for conflicting emotions

sciteach — for being a teacher of children and doing this

sillstaw — urp, there’s the vomit again

And of course...

Gene Jacket for the win!

Join us this weekend for a new Kotaku ‘Shop Contest, after I’ve recuperated from this one.