Last week’s ‘Shop Contest was a call-to-arms against the seasonal pumpkin spice craze. Our readers answered that call with both brutality and heavenly softness.
The idea, stolen from every science fiction show ever, was that if we could not defeat the pumpkin spice-craving masses through normal means we would assault them with ridiculous products until they overload and explode. You want a combination of cinnamon, cloves, ginger and nutmeg? We’ll give you what you want, what you really, really want.
And while some entries were more popular with the masses—the sick, demented masses—there was one entry that kept making me laugh every time I saw it.
Apple MacBook Air Laptop
The M1 chip delivers 3.5x faster performance than the previous generation all while using way less power. Get up to 18 hours of battery life.
Congratulations on the win, Gene Jacket. You imagined a product that would forever leave people wondering if that really was just cinnamon on their fingertips.
Without further ahhh...hee. Let’s do this.
This Week’s Runners-Up, Now With More... You Know
MadMallard — for Sugar, Pumpkin Spice and Everything Nice
Harry_Caray — for a less humane option
Lee the Panda — for somehow worsening Franzia
redder hood — because he lacks the willpower to resist
Octomus Prime — but only if its companion game is caramel apple
Toon’nHoon — for the special holiday edition of Conker’s greatest foe
Justacoolguy — welp.
SPECIAL PUMPKIN SPICE GIRLS SUBSECTION BEGINS
SenpaiSoren — I’ll tell ya what I want, what I really, really want
Kanzier666 — So tell me what you want, what you really, really want.
SharedProphet — I wanna, (ha) I wanna, (ha) I wanna, (ha) I wanna, (ha)
SPECIAL PUMPKIN SPICE GIRLS SUBSECTION ENDS
CityShrimp — “Keep Out Of Reach Of Women”
The Dude — and now I’m hungry for meth
geeky_canuck — I can believe it
Dechta — mainly for the way spice is spelled here
wrecks — talk about your cinnamon challenge
Badonk — 20 years ago these would have been a real thing
Rufus — nobody tell Schreier
Shinrawr — awww, they spelled his name right and everything
Cakegolem — and you thought shiny ones were rare
dargvelk — I cannot comment here
ShiroNiKuma — for a completely original idea!
MrDeadScott — for a completely original idea!
codexcdm — because it’s good people
Mrichston — now we’re playing with it
KIREEK — for being the only one to do Trumpkin Spice
DistractedObserver — because it pairs well with Castle of Dark Illusions
jko3000 — now look at your man, now back at ARGGGHHHHH
Alphonso C. Burks — those honestly I think it’s all a big crock
Sylverfyst — for the pumpkin spice must flow
uscg_pa — because ewwwwwwww
Levintry — my favorite condom entry since...nevermind
Taurenrider — for being awesome and adding French
Tkeleth — for honoring the spirit of the competition
lharm — because it really couldn’t get any worse
Michael - because he pulled this entry out of his ass
Turbulence88 Might Be A Mazda Fanboy — for Starbucks Mario
SharedProphet — because does this smell like Chloroform to you? No!
Cody — because I threw up a little
Gorillanator — because I threw up a little more.
coolmanguy — for conflicting emotions
sciteach — for being a teacher of children and doing this
sillstaw — urp, there’s the vomit again
And of course...
Gene Jacket for the win!
Join us this weekend for a new Kotaku ‘Shop Contest, after I’ve recuperated from this one.