Kotaku 'Shop Contest: Hot Pockets: The Winners!

Illustration for article titled Kotaku 'Shop Contest: Hot Pockets: The Winners!

So many amazingly horrific entries in last week’s “food”-themed ‘Shop Contest, but the winner is a simple, iconic image of Link from The Legend of Zelda playing the lovely “Song of Ass Storms.”

Advertisement

All we wanted to do was show the folks in charge of Hot Pockets marketing how to properly tie their product in with video games. They weren’t doing it correctly, and I figured we could help.

Illustration for article titled Kotaku 'Shop Contest: Hot Pockets: The Winners!

SeaBeastRising certainly helped. One can almost believe an elf-eared child from a fantasy land could nibble on one of these horrible things without instantly dropping dead. Lovely job!

Enjoy it while you can. It’s all pretty much downhill from here. No dicks, but at least one man obscuring—yeah, we’ll say that—obscuring his dick with a Hot Pocket. I would stress that neither I nor this contest are affiliated with Hot Pockets in any was, but I’ll just let the image of one getting nailed by a video game character speak for itself.

This was a great idea.

This Week’s Lukewarm Pockets

Illustration for article titled Kotaku 'Shop Contest: Hot Pockets: The Winners!
Advertisement

jtotheoel — for something worse than two girls, one roach.

Illustration for article titled Kotaku 'Shop Contest: Hot Pockets: The Winners!
Advertisement

FluidIce — for what is strangely the most suggestive shop of the contest.

Illustration for article titled Kotaku 'Shop Contest: Hot Pockets: The Winners!
Advertisement

Lector — for the best of many Kojima shops.

Illustration for article titled Kotaku 'Shop Contest: Hot Pockets: The Winners!
Advertisement

moominsean — for making it all sexy

Illustration for article titled Kotaku 'Shop Contest: Hot Pockets: The Winners!
Advertisement

Stannis Baratheon’s Red Pen — for requiring Kinect

Illustration for article titled Kotaku 'Shop Contest: Hot Pockets: The Winners!
Advertisement

Mac Ataak — because the similarities are uncanny.

Illustration for article titled Kotaku 'Shop Contest: Hot Pockets: The Winners!
Advertisement

Mrichston — for getting so much horror in one image.

Illustration for article titled Kotaku 'Shop Contest: Hot Pockets: The Winners!
Advertisement

Berserkerrr — Fatality.

Illustration for article titled Kotaku 'Shop Contest: Hot Pockets: The Winners!
Advertisement

LiveatColdRice — because this image is beautiful.

Illustration for article titled Kotaku 'Shop Contest: Hot Pockets: The Winners!
Advertisement

uscg_pa — because this makes a lot of sense.

Illustration for article titled Kotaku 'Shop Contest: Hot Pockets: The Winners!
Advertisement

abracadaniel — probably would have won had he just posted the image instead of being all coy!

Illustration for article titled Kotaku 'Shop Contest: Hot Pockets: The Winners!
Advertisement

kokken — for being all sneaky.

Illustration for article titled Kotaku 'Shop Contest: Hot Pockets: The Winners!
Advertisement

shinnen — there are other places to buy Amiibo, people!

Illustration for article titled Kotaku 'Shop Contest: Hot Pockets: The Winners!
Advertisement

99Typhoons — just for “become even legender”.

Illustration for article titled Kotaku 'Shop Contest: Hot Pockets: The Winners!
Advertisement

Slappyslap — for being all mean at Activision.

Illustration for article titled Kotaku 'Shop Contest: Hot Pockets: The Winners!
Advertisement

slicedgeek — because it toally counts as sandvich.

Illustration for article titled Kotaku 'Shop Contest: Hot Pockets: The Winners!
Advertisement

Ginger Snap — it’s dangerous to eat that.

Illustration for article titled Kotaku 'Shop Contest: Hot Pockets: The Winners!
Advertisement

skibum232 — because 8-bit Hot Pockets are indeed the stuff of nightmares.

Illustration for article titled Kotaku 'Shop Contest: Hot Pockets: The Winners!
Advertisement

MrDeadScott — for giving Gearbox bad ideas.

Illustration for article titled Kotaku 'Shop Contest: Hot Pockets: The Winners!
Advertisement

Cartoonivore — for adding the Rumble Pak.

Illustration for article titled Kotaku 'Shop Contest: Hot Pockets: The Winners!
Advertisement

Megakay — for being more nutrition conscious.

Illustration for article titled Kotaku 'Shop Contest: Hot Pockets: The Winners!
Advertisement

Xbattousai666 — for referencing The Core, of all things.

Illustration for article titled Kotaku 'Shop Contest: Hot Pockets: The Winners!
Advertisement

Fizziks — but you don’t bake Hot Pockets...or did you mean something else?

Illustration for article titled Kotaku 'Shop Contest: Hot Pockets: The Winners!
Advertisement

Andrew — for killing us softly from inside.

Illustration for article titled Kotaku 'Shop Contest: Hot Pockets: The Winners!
Advertisement

Ganonthegreat1 — for killing our childhood friends and making us eat them.

Illustration for article titled Kotaku 'Shop Contest: Hot Pockets: The Winners!
Advertisement

Zedrue — because I have no clue.

And of course...

Illustration for article titled Kotaku 'Shop Contest: Hot Pockets: The Winners!
Advertisement

SeaBeastRising — for the win!

I have no idea where to go from here. Join us later this evening for our next ‘Shop Contest, Different Shades Of Green.

DISCUSSION

psychonun
PsychoNun (Is actually a dude)

Am I supposed to think that you haven’t played MGS4 Mr. Fahey?