Kotaku Robot Wars Round Three: Salvation

Illustration for article titled Kotaku Robot Wars Round Three: Salvation

The Kotaku Robot Wars continue on the other side of the world, as Osaka Japan and Canberra Australia are reduced to steaming piles of rubble and broken robot parts...but whose broken robot parts?


Once more we pit the power of human intuition against the mechanical will of Crecente's R2-D2 robot to try and predict the outcome of the Kotaku Robot Wars. At last count the humans and the robot were tied, both correctly predicting the outcome of two battles - Optimus Prime VS. Dog and Kos-Mos VS. Portal Turrets - while fan favorites Mega Man and the Fruit Fucker 2000 fell in combat against HK-47 and Chrono Trigger's Robo.

The results for round 2 are in, and they aren't looking good.

Illustration for article titled Kotaku Robot Wars Round Three: Salvation

Your Predictions
Representing human intuition, you folks voted for who you thought would win the battles of round 2. Here are the results.

Optimus Prime VS. HK-47
Optimus Prime: 66% (1755 votes)
HK-47: HK-47 34% (923 votes)
The Fan-Picked Winner: Optimus Prime

Robo VS. Kos-Mos
Robo: Robo 42% (1095 votes)
Kos-Mos: 58% (1521 votes)
The Fan-Picked Winner: Kos-Mos


R2-D2's Predictions
Once again Crecente fired up his autonomous R2-D2 droid, setting it wandering free amidst scraps of paper with names written on them. In the end, R2 found the scraps containing the names Optimus Prime and Robo to be the most attractive.

Which group predicted most accurately?

The Official Randomized Results
Osaka Japan is in ruins, terrified citizens fleeing with whatever possessions they can as the ground rocks with the sounds of gunfire, explosions, and large metal footsteps. Optimus Prime grows increasingly more frustrated as the smaller, more agile HK-47 slinks in and out of buildings, seemingly firing from all angles at once. Staggering backwards, Optimus falls against the local Kotaku Tower, causing it to tumble to the ground. With a look of grin determination in his eyes he wills his chest plate open, reaching for the Autobot Matrix of Leadership. "Now light our darkest...wha?"


HK-47 rounds the corner, wearing the Matrix as a hat. "Oh, does the over-sized droid require this?" he asks, taking the Matrix off and tossing it into Optimus' eager hands, turning to walk away as the explosive filled artifact detonates.

Meanwhile, in Canberra, Robo fires a barrage of lasers at Kos-Mos, who barely manages to dodge the onslaught. She sustains little damage, but her clothing is torn to shreds. Robo's sensors overload, and he explodes, taking the last remaining Kotaku Tower with him.


Results So Far

While humanity has only accurately predicted 3 out of 6 battles, R2-D2 came up empty this round, so the humans are now leading 50% to 33%. All that remains now is...


The Final Round

Kotaku Robot Wars Round Three: Salvation

But wait...in Atlanta Georgia, one last Kotaku Tower springs to life, having been powered off accidentally due to a cat chewing on the power cables. As soon as the power is restored a brilliant flash of light erupts from the tower's apex, and both remaining combatants appear. The transponder atop the tower holds the one remaining pathway back to their respective universes, and all that is standing in their way is each other.

Tune in tomorrow for the epic conclusion of the Kotaku Robot Wars!

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Owen Good is the one in Georgia, right?

Everyone knows that the "Kotaku Towers" are actually an elite superforce compromised of the Kotaku Editors, much like the Power Rangers, or Kamen Rider.


We've killed all the other editors, so good luck, Owen.