File this one under Answers to Questions No One Asked: It apparently only takes 18 minutes and 51 seconds to go from the beginning of Fallout 3 to eating a baby in one of the expansions. Speedrunners, folks.
Tomatoanus is a well-known Fallout speedrunner with several records under his belt, but he also spends time entertaining viewers on Twitch and YouTube with goals like seeing how fast he can overdose Mama Murphy in Fallout 4 and have sex in Cyberpunk 2077. His latest stunt requires Fallout 3 expansion The Pitt, which introduced the game’s only baby in Baby Marie, and a mod known as “Acquired Immunity” that lets characters with the Cannibal perk eat that baby and obtain her natural resistance to radiation.
You probably see where this is going.
In the video above, tomatoanus matter-of-factly explains how he goes about eating Baby Marie. This involves leaving the game’s opening in Vault 101 as an adult (rather than clipping outside as a toddler or teenager as one might in a regular Fallout 3 speedrun), jumping off a cliff to exploit a bug that speeds up his movement, and using a technique to trick the game into thinking his character has reached level 12 so he can get the Cannibal perk.
From there, it’s simply a matter of tomatoanus rushing to Baby Marie and chowing down to finish the run a hair under 19 minutes. Of course, the time would be lower without a series of nonsensical-by-design rules tomatoanus tacks onto the beginning of the speedrun, like punching a random NPC or teabagging an alien corpse. But these prerequisites (and the video itself, for that matter) have a larger point to make about creating and participating in non-traditional speedrun categories.
“Alternatively, you can do this run without meeting any of those requirements,” tomatoanus explains. “This run is highly unlikely to ever get an official leaderboard on speedrun.com and I have zero interest in it ever having one. Leaderboards aren’t required for you to do speedruns. If there’s a run you think would be fun or funny, then go ahead and do it. Don’t worry about whether or not others view it as a legitimate category.”
Hell yeah, tomatoanus.