I'm The Asshole At Starbucks With The iPad

Illustration for article titled Im The Asshole At Starbucks With The iPad

I might seem like a friendly sort of fellow, ready and wiling to share his newly-acquired technology with the world, but really I'm just the asshole at Starbucks with the iPad.


If you are looking to get anything productive done on your iPad today, Starbucks is not the place you want to be. Everyone who passes by stops to see what I am doing, asking if I think the iPad is worth it. And I answer every question with practiced ease, smiling a smile that makes it seem like I just enjoy helping people, instead of simply being the asshole at the Starbucks with the iPad.

A part of me is frustrated by the fact that these people keep bothering me The other part - the asshole part - savors the attention and perhaps even a little bit of the envy I see in their eyes


"it's great for reading the paper," I tell one woman, showing her the front page of the USA Today app.

"It could certainly give the Kindle a run for the money," I tell another person, who stopped on the way out of the store to drill me on features and pricing details.

No one asks about games, my only real area of expertise, but that's okay. I went to public school. I know that public speaking has nothing to do with knowing your subject. Besides, I'm the asshole in the Starbucks with the iPad.

From behind the counter, my girlfriend laughs and shakes her head. She knows this is just a chance to get public reaction to the iPad, while role-playing being the asshole in the Starbucks with the iPad, but she'll never tell.


Now I'm curled up at at corner table. No one can see me typing this.

I've got my data. People are curious. Maybe not video games, but every where I go - Starbucks, Waffle House, other Starbucks - they all have questions.


And now I can stop pretending I have answers.

I may not be an expert on the iPad, but I'm pretty good at pretending to be the asshole at Starbucks with an iPad.


Note: This post written completely on my iPad. [Editor's note: Which required a thorough copyediting.]

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damn people are so sad that they drool over this thing that someone else has in a starbucks... jesus... what is it about Apple crap that makes these weirdos drool over it

if i went to starbucks in a new laptop or netbook i bet nobody would drool over it, despite the fact it'd be not much bigger than the ipad and would do 100x more things

rattles my brain... but then i never understood the whole coffee shop mentality where people love showing off themselves working on a laptop *shakes head*

*looks for that "ignore ipad crap" link for kotaku*