A new mainline Animal Crossing game comes out on March 20th. We have waited nearly seven years for this. It saddens me to say I simply can’t afford to wait those last two months before yelling myself unconscious about it. So I went ahead and reviewed it based on its trailers and my knowledge of the series, starting from a simple, terrifying thought experiment: what would happen to the world, and to me, if some horrible critic out there dared to give Animal Crossing: New Horizons an 8 out of 10? Watch me fluster myself thus in this video lecture.

I make videos for Kotaku. I make video games for myself and my friends. I like writing fiction. Someday I will publish a novel. Who knows!

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