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Team Fortress 2 isn't all guns and people screaming about the extent to which they are or are not on fire. Sometimes there's food, too. But—no, no, stop trying to put your hand through the monitor—you can't eat it. Or, you couldn't. But now you can with these recipes, only one of which is for urine.

Steam user disanim8or made guides for four different Team Fortress 2 food items: the Heavy's sandvich, the Scout's "Bonk" punch drink, the cake that replaces med-kits when you equip Pyro vision goggles, and the Sniper's jarate, which is—yes—a weaponized jar of pee.

The cake is probably the most involved of the recipes, as two of the others are just juice drinks, and the sanvich is, well, a sandwich. Still, they're as close to the real deal as humanly possible. That's something, right?

Oh, and to put your fears to rest, here's the full recipe for jarate. It does not include any actual human urine, thankfully:


Now, this edible jarate is actually lemonade (thank god) and you will need:

1.) 3-4 lemons

2.) 5 cups of cold water (warm water if you want it to be realistic) Dx

3.) 1/4 - 1 cup of sugar

Making the jarate

So you made it this far without pee-ing in a jar! this is how you make the "jarate"

1.) squeeze all lemons into the jar

2.) pour the cup of sugar into the jar

3.) add the water

4.) stir it all together and voila, you have the most disgusting, uh i mean best item in game!


Apparently more TF2 food guides are on the way. For now, though, these ought to hold you over in the event of a TF2-themed party or something. Just remember to spike the jarate with alcohol and not, you know, the other thing.

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