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Fake Gamer Of The Week: Grandpa Just Saw Aeris Die

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Oh, no. Grandpa. That look in your eyes. That clenched grimace. That loose, delicate grip on your controller's joysticks, as if you aren't really playing anything at all.

You must have just watched Aeris die.

Grandma told me not to lend you my copy of Final Fantasy VII. She said it might stress you out, that you've played too many JRPGs already this week. She said you were exhausted from fighting demons in Shin Megami Tensei III: Nocturne. And that you had just finished Ar tonelico Qoga: Knell of Ar Ciel. And that you can't stop grinding in the latest Disgaea.


But I couldn't resist. I had to show you Square's magnum opus. You love Japanese role-playing games way too much to not experience a game like Final Fantasy VII.

I'm sorry, Grandpa. It's hard to look at your face right now. You cared deeply for that poor little flower girl. I know how attached you get to your RPG characters. It's like I always tell Grandma, you're the biggest otaku I know. I'm really sorry. I know what she meant to you.


Wait a minute.

Hey. Hey Grandpa. I've got some good news. You can revive Aeris.


You just have to log onto this website. It's called GameFAQs. It's got a bunch of different walkthroughs for a bunch of different games.

You have to go get the underwater materia and then boost all of your characters to level 99. Raise ten different Gold Chocobos. Then beat Ruby Weapon with everybody at 1 HP. Got your computer out?


Cheer up, Grandpa. You can save the flower girl. I know you can. I know you will.


Photos: Zsolt Nyulászi/Stockfresh