Everything* In The Witcher 3, Ranked

Many things happen over the course of your adventures in The Witcher 3. Some are forgettable. Most are far from it.

Here, then, is an objective and comprehensive list of...ah, who am I kidding, here’s a massive list of the things I loved most from a game I love so damn much.

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USE YOUR WITCHER SENSE TO AVOID MASSIVE SPOILERS


(Note: I say Everything* in the headline because while I have opinions on almost everything in the game, from Dwarven Ale to NPC lines like “another drifter in from Temeria”, I don’t want to keep you here all day. This, then, is just the best stuff.)


52. The Wind


51. Combat finishers

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50. Getting a magic, Bloodborne-esque shovel.

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49. Ciri’s combat moves.

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48. Talking demon animals

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47. Snow dates with Yenn

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46. Gettin’ wild at the hot springs

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45. The word “Noonwraith”

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44. Getting sucked inside a painting and mercy-killing a ghost.

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43. Lighting

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42. Suicidal explosives experts

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41. Chatting with a corpse, and a very angry werewolf.

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40. Murder mysteries.

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39. Unicorn sex

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38. Ain’t no party like a giant murderous bear party.

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37. Joining the theatre.

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36. Joining the circus.

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35. Gettin’ blind drunk, stealing Yen’s clothes and making magic prank calls.

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34. Beating the devil at his own game

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33. THIS FUCKIN’ LIL’ GUY

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32. “Thanks bunches”

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31. Lighting

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30. Puss-peepers (vid source)

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29. The view from Kaer Trolde

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28. Stealing a kiss with Triss

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27. Sidequests that directly reference the decisions you made in the main storyline.

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26. Cheery loading screens

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25. The taxman

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24. Skellige

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23. Awkward boat sex.

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22. Hiking up to enjoy the views around Kaer Morhen

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21. The epic final fights

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20. Saying goodbye to an old friend.

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19. Shani

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18. Lighting

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17. This guy

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16. Johnny

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15. The vulnerability and wickedness of “The Bloody Baron”.

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14. An entire sidequest built solely around cheese jokes.

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13. Everything about the breathless, epic siege of Kaer Morhen

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12. Novigrad

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11. Letting a horny ghost possess you, who then gets his drink on, dances around and tries to get you both laid.

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10. Geralt the poet (vid source)

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9. Exploring the very ends of the world

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8. “This is very romantic”.

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7. Cerys.

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6. The complexity and sweetness of Geralt & Yenn’s relationship

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5. Finding Ciri.

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4. Becoming an inter-dimensional astronaut and literally travelling to an alien planet.

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3. The Tower of Mice. Just...holy shit.

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2. Throwing a baby in an oven.

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1. The “Good Dad” ending.

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