Everything* In The Witcher 3, Ranked

Many things happen over the course of your adventures in The Witcher 3. Some are forgettable. Most are far from it.

Here, then, is an objective and comprehensive list of...ah, who am I kidding, here’s a massive list of the things I loved most from a game I love so damn much.

USE YOUR WITCHER SENSE TO AVOID MASSIVE SPOILERS

(Note: I say Everything* in the headline because while I have opinions on almost everything in the game, from Dwarven Ale to NPC lines like “another drifter in from Temeria”, I don’t want to keep you here all day. This, then, is just the best stuff.)

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52. The Wind

51. Combat finishers

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50. Getting a magic, Bloodborne-esque shovel.

49. Ciri’s combat moves.

48. Talking demon animals

47. Snow dates with Yenn

46. Gettin’ wild at the hot springs

45. The word “Noonwraith”

44. Getting sucked inside a painting and mercy-killing a ghost.

43. Lighting

42. Suicidal explosives experts

41. Chatting with a corpse, and a very angry werewolf.

40. Murder mysteries.

39. Unicorn sex

38. Ain’t no party like a giant murderous bear party.

37. Joining the theatre.

36. Joining the circus.

35. Gettin’ blind drunk, stealing Yen’s clothes and making magic prank calls.

34. Beating the devil at his own game

33. THIS FUCKIN’ LIL’ GUY

32. “Thanks bunches”

31. Lighting

30. Puss-peepers (vid source)

29. The view from Kaer Trolde

28. Stealing a kiss with Triss

27. Sidequests that directly reference the decisions you made in the main storyline.

26. Cheery loading screens

25. The taxman

24. Skellige

23. Awkward boat sex.

22. Hiking up to enjoy the views around Kaer Morhen

21. The epic final fights

20. Saying goodbye to an old friend.

19. Shani

18. Lighting

17. This guy

16. Johnny

15. The vulnerability and wickedness of “The Bloody Baron”.

14. An entire sidequest built solely around cheese jokes.

13. Everything about the breathless, epic siege of Kaer Morhen

12. Novigrad

11. Letting a horny ghost possess you, who then gets his drink on, dances around and tries to get you both laid.

10. Geralt the poet (vid source)

9. Exploring the very ends of the world

8. “This is very romantic”.

7. Cerys.

6. The complexity and sweetness of Geralt & Yenn’s relationship

5. Finding Ciri.

4. Becoming an inter-dimensional astronaut and literally travelling to an alien planet.

3. The Tower of Mice. Just...holy shit.

2. Throwing a baby in an oven.

1. The “Good Dad” ending.

DISCUSSION

Kanji

You left out “Weightless Crafting Materials” which is by far the most underrated feature of this game. Play Fallout 4 for a couple hours and you’ll wish to every God in existence you could actually pick up crafting components without being overburdened for the 1000000th time. In Witcher 3, you rarely ever have to play the, “Which important items can I afford to drop?” game with your inventory.

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