Every New GTA Online Arcade Game, Reviewed

The latest GTA Online update added a brand new heist, which is cool and all. But it also added player owned and operated arcades. These arcades are mostly for show, a front for a hidden area to set up a big heist. But you can still buy and play 12 arcade games that were added in the update. So I bought all of them and reviewed each one.

Buying all of these arcade games wasn’t cheap. In total it cost me $3.2 million. That’s a lot of money for old arcade games! After installing them all in my arcade, it didn’t even fully fill up the place. I had to add a few duplicates. Disappointing.

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Now, let’s review these games!

Defend Of The Faith

This is one of three arcade games added to GTA Online that are supposed to be old, from the early 80s. And it shows. This game is just different colored squares moving around a black screen. You collect green ones and avoid blue ones. It controls terribly and isn’t fun.

2 out of 10

Monkey Paradise

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This is another older game and honestly, I get that Rockstar is trying to parody old games, but games in the 80s were better than this shit. All you do in this game is watch a square flip left and right. When it goes right you hit a button. This simulates a monkey swinging from branch to branch. It sucks.

1 out of 10

Penetrator

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The last of the “classic” 80s games, Penetrator is also the best. It’s basically a simple version of Tempest. Really simple. It’s clunky and the visuals bland, but I like Tempest so I like this game. But I wouldn’t recommend buying it in GTA Online or real life.

4 out of 10

Invade And Persuade II

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This arcade game is supposed to be from the 90s. It looks more like a flash game from the early 2000s. I like seeing a tank with jump jets and the music is good, but the controls are terrible. Operating a turret with shoulder buttons is bad.

5 out of 10

The Wizard’s Ruin

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The Wizard’s Ruin is one of the biggest and most fleshed-out arcade games in GTA Online. It features multiple levels, intro cutscenes and a secondary mode you unlock by beating the game. You also have an Altered Beast-like evolution ability that you can trigger when your mana bar is full. It makes your guy get bigger and also his nipples get bigger.

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Of all the games added, this one feels like it got the most time and love put into it. Sadly, the combat just sucks. Lining up hits feels bad and the hit detection for enemies is lousy.

6 out of 10

Space Monkey 3

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This is supposed to be a shoot em up from the 90s. But it doesn’t look or play like one. The game tosses way too many ships and bullets at you too quickly and combat feels like a mess. But with some practice, I could see players having fun. Still, I much prefer the Galaga knock off in GTA San Andreas.

5 out of 10

Badlands Revenge III

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Like Wizard’s Ruin, this feels like a game that people spent a good amount of time and effort on. The artwork is fantastic, the cabinet looks great, the sound effects feel perfect for the era and it features multiple stages you can tackle in whatever order you choose.

However, light gun games don’t transfer well to a controller and this is no exception. Also, you can run out of ammo and reloading each bullet quickly made my finger get sore. But I still had a better time playing this than most of the other arcade games added in the update.

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8 out of 10

Street Crimes: War Games

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This isn’t actually a new arcade game. It was in GTA Online before, added in an update a while back. This is the same game, as far as I can tell. It is also the only arcade game you get for free when you buy your arcade. Annoyingly, you have to have at least one other player to play Street Crimes at all.

5 out of 10

Race + Chase: Street Legal

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There are three Race+Chase games in GTA Online and they all basically play the same. You drive down streets which sometimes curve to the left or right and dodge traffic and rival racers. One nice touch is that you can drive through different cities from older GTA games, like Vice City. This version of Race+Chase has you driving a car and is probably the best of the three. Also, you have a dog.

8 out of 10

Race+Chase: Crotch Rockets

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It’s the same game but now you ride a motorbike. Also, you don’t have a dog and the bikes go too fast and make it hard to dodge stuff.

6 out of 10

Race+Chase: Get Truckin’

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This is also the same game, featuring the same music and cities. But you get your dog back and it is slower than the bikes. Too slow. It’s sorta boring and honestly, the best part of this version is the name. Get Truckin’ is just fun to say.

5 out of 10

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About the author

Zack Zwiezen

Kotaku Weekend Editor | Zack Zwiezen is a writer living in Kansas. He has written for Gamecritics, USgamer, Killscreen and Entertainment Fuse.