Every Pokemon is interesting and worth talking about. I don’t play a ton of Pokemon, but I do enjoy the universe and I love learning more about the creatures in it. So, Here’s Another Pokemon! It’s Drifloon! This Pokemon was suggested by Kotaku reader coolchazine. Thanks!
Average Height: 1' 04"
Average Weight: 2.6 lbs.
First Added In Generation IV
Drifloon is a curious Pokemon. It looks cute or at least harmless, but reading about this creature it became clear that Drifloon is one messed up pocket monster. One of the first red flags is how often the phrases missing children and vanishing children show up on Drifloon’s Bulbapedia article. If it only popped up once, I might be able to ignore it. But no, multiple times the Pokemon series has wanted to remind folks that this balloon steals kids.
Or at least it tries to steal kids. Luckily for the children of the Pokemon universe, Drifloon is really weak and lightweight, meaning you can easily resist the balloon monster. It should also be made clear that Drifloon isn’t hunting kids down, but instead, kids are seeing the Pokemon and grabbing it, thinking they are a balloon.
Maybe these kids aren’t the brightest in the bunch? Though Pokedex entries do confirm that some kids disappear after grabbing Driftloon, so sometimes a stupid kid and strong Drifloon can create tragedy.
Here’s something odd about Drifloon: It is created by spirits of Pokemon and humans. What does actually mean? I don’t know. It seems to imply that humans can A) Become ghosts, experience the afterlife and B) Also can become Pokemon or at least create Pokemon. Big revelations to come from a dumb balloon.
Shattered-Earth over at Deviant Art depicts what happens when a larger child grabs a Drifloon. That poor balloon. Thankfully, I know how children are with balloons. Drifloon will be free again in a few minutes and some parent will be shelling out another $3 for a stupid balloon while tying it around her wrist this time.
- This Pokemon drifts around aimlessly and has earned the nickname “Signpost For Wandering Spirits”, which sounds more like a Dark Souls character than a Pokemon.
- Driftloon expands and shrinks to express their feelings, which is similar to how The Hulk expresses himself.
- In Japan, Driftloon’s Pokedex entry mentions that it steals children and actually takes them to the “world of the dead.” Maybe you should just treat this thing like how some folks treat drones? Shoot on sight. Or your small child will be dragged to hell.
“Conkeldurr taught humanity about concrete. This raises many questions, though thankfully not vein related.”
You don’t know that! What if viscous, wet concrete flows inside those thick veins? Maybe Conkeldurr bleeds all over stuff to make concrete?
Aw geez, now I’m grossing myself out. - If I’m not Ryan, I’m lyin’
Hey Ryan, you’re grossing me out too. You didn’t need to share this with the class. I guess I also didn’t need to highlight it for everyone...shit. Is this the Streisand Effect? Whoops. Sorry, you all are thinking about an old Pokemon bleeding concrete. That’s my bad.
Next week, another Pokemon gets their moment in the spotlight. If you have any suggestions for future Pokemon I should cover, let me know in the comments below. Also, share any fanart or stories you have about this week’s Pokemon.