Do You Even Green Lantern, Bro? No.

Illustration for article titled Do You Even Green Lantern, Bro? No.

That's it, DC Comics needs to revoke Turbine's license to create variant versions of iconic heroes for MOBA Infinite Crisis. I draw the line at popped-collar, sandals-with-socks "SoCal Hal" Green Lantern.

I can handle "Lifeguard" Aquaman. I don't mind "Track & Field" Robin and "Varsity" Supergirl. But a line must be drawn somewhere, and Southern California seems as good a place as any. From today's new costume's official description:

SoCal Hal will let you be a bro with the best of 'em. He's got the backwards hat. That's a pretty clutch start. Then you got the sandals and sick black socks. Pretty good! Pretty good, dude. But it's that collar, yo, that popped collar is way baller! Then you got the accessories to match the green power ring—the watch, the necklace, and that sweet Green Lantern jersey.

Illustration for article titled Do You Even Green Lantern, Bro? No.

I hate him so much. I just tried playing a match with Green Lantern in the costume, and I lost — against A.I. opponents. Either I am incredibly bad at playing a ranged character in Infinite Crisis, or I've been blinded by rage. I'll go back and do a game as "Diablo Rojo" luchador Red Lantern Atrocitus to be sure.

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As a southern California resident I take great offense that the fucking yokels who came up with this idea/look associate sandals and socks with Southern California. Any kind of sandal on a man who is not near a body of water is square, square, square. And gross.

If any kind of shoe should properly represent SoCal its a pair of Vans.

Fuck this noise.