David Hayter Delivers A Rousing Performance Re: Solid Snake's Ass

Illustration for article titled David Hayter Delivers A Rousing Performance Re: Solid Snakes Assem/em
Screenshot: Metal Gear Solid 2 (Konami)

It is a truth universally acknowledged that Metal Gear’s Solid Snake has a big fat ass. This basic underpinning of our universe has now reached all corners of the internet, including Solid Snake’s longtime voice actor.

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Solid Snake is the leading character in a game about stealth, so it stands to reason that he would wear something akin to a catsuit in the Metal Gear games. What is more curious is how he gets his catsuit to outline his individual ass cheeks. Snake’s ass is exactingly rendered, and beloved by Metal Gear fans. When fans realized that Snake’s ass looked flatter in the previews for Super Smash Brothers Ultimate, they were aghast. Such is their devotion to Snake’s ass.

In early January, Twitter user Snow_Radish made a joke about Snake’s rotund posterior. In case you aren’t aware of what “dummy thicc” means, just know that it actually accurately describes the proportions of Solid Snake’s buttocks. Though not all would agree, I feel like Snake’s butt cheeks are at the size where accidentally clapping your ass is a real risk for him. Snow_Radish’s tweet went mildly viral:

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That same day, Hachikosyndrome tweeted herself reading Snow_Radish’s joke while mimicking David Hayter’s longtime rendition of Solid Snake’s voice.

Hayter’s gravelly intonations and distinctive cadence are synonymous with Solid Snake in the West. If you check out his page on Cameo, a website where you can pay voice actors and other minor celebrities to record video messages, all of his most recent requests are Hayter saying “happy birthday” to various people as Solid Snake.

Combining Solid Snake, the idea of being horny, and the phrase “dummy thicc” proved to be irresistible to people on the internet. Some people on TikTok even took to acting out the tweet.

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This joke has since gained enough popularity so that Hayter has not only seen it, he’s recorded his own version of the phrase.

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Hayter said in a tweet that he personally recorded himself saying the words “dummy thicc,” for his friend’s son, who is active on TikTok. Every time I hear it or think about it, I start laughing. He’s just so angry by the end. Solid Snake cannot abide his ass-clapping alerting the guards.

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If you want to make Hayter say something equally ridiculous, go on ahead and check him out on Cameo. For only 50 bucks, he’ll wish you a happy birthday, or, I don’t know, recite the lyrics to “Twerk” by City Girls ft. Cardi B.

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DISCUSSION

Add this to the list of reasons I remain steadfastly Team Hayter in the grand “Kojima is a Star-Humper” fiasco that was the VA team for Metal Gear Solid V.

...and yes, I know there are narrative developments in that game that justify the switch, but it was still a fuckjob, and Sutherland was awful.  Don’t @ me.