Clauncher Sucks At Swimming, But Packs A Powerful Water Gun

Image for article titled Clauncher Sucks At Swimming, But Packs A Powerful Water Gun
Image: The Pokemon Company / Kotaku

Every Pokemon is interesting and worth talking about. I don’t play a ton of Pokemon, but I do enjoy the universe and I love learning more about the creatures in it. So, Here’s Another Pokemon! It’s Clauncher!

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Clauncher Details

Type: Water

Average Height: 1' 08"

Average Weight: 18.3 lbs.

First Added In Generation VI


The Pokemon universe is a cruel place. For example, there’s Clauncher. This is a lobster-like Pokemon that spends most of its life in the water. But, even though it is an aquatic creature dependant on swimming, it has one giant claw that makes it hard to keep its balance. As a result, it sucks at swimming and instead relies on a powerful water gun it has evolved inside that claw to propel itself around the world.

On my grand journey to catalog and write about every Pokemon, I keep encountering water-type creatures who suck at swimming. Imagine if half our seals and whales couldn’t swim properly. That would be weird. Yet this seems fairly common in the Pokemon world. According to Bulbapedia, Clauncher is really unlucky. Not only does it have a giant claw that throws off its balance and hurts its ability to swim, but that very same claw is reportedly delicious.

So you have a water Pokemon, who isn’t great at swimming because of a giant claw that is also super tasty, which means it’s hunted by humans and Pokemon for that sweet, sweet, tender claw meat. Life is cruel, and Clauncher knows this all too well.

Luckily, it’s not all bad news. That big claw can, somehow, shoot powerful streams of compressed water, which Clauncher uses as a weapon because, of course, it does. What else would you do with it? This water cannon is so powerful that it can even shatter rocks at a short-range. I assume, as Clauncher shoots at people trying to eat it, that it yells out “Try to eat me now assholes!”

Random Facts

  • Sometimes its claws just fall off! This is only mentioned in passing on Bulbapedia, but I bet it’s not a fun time for Clauncher. What if one day you woke up and had no hands? You’d be a bit worried, I’d bet.
  • According to some Pokedex entries, it shoots water out of its claw by “detonating gas that accumulates in it.” What? But...like... what?
  • It’s blue, I don’t know. I’m still stuck on this poor lobster losing its claws and also it containing explosive gas. I’m so stuck on this that I almost forgot to dunk on the name. Clauncher. You just added C to the word launcher. Come on.
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Best Comment From Last Week

“Psh are we to believe that a Ground-type Pokémon likes to roll in mud, which has Water in it, which Ground type is notoriously weak to? Insanity!”

-alt165

That’s what they WANT you to believe. They want you to buy into it, to trust them and their lies. The MAN has all the power. And if you are SHEEPLE and buy these terrible lies, you deserve to live in ignorance. Follow me on YouTube for more content like this.

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Previously On Here’s Another Pokemon

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Here’s Another Pokemon is a weekly look into one Pokemon and how weird, disturbing, silly, or cool it is and why. Catch new entries each weekend and click here to see all of the past Pokemon we have covered.

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DISCUSSION

By
Marmotte Desormiers Bourdeau

So the thing most people fail to realize is that a lot of aquatic creatures do, in fact, suck at swimming.

As for the inspiration behind this specific pokémon, I invite you to read up on pistol shrimps!