I was forced to learn about the Bored Ape Yacht Club’s monkey poop game, so now you do, too. Dookey Dash is an upcoming game where you traverse a sewer system in pursuit of a treasure box key that a monkey shat out of his ass. I wish I was making this up. I really do.
Dookey seems to be an infinite runner, which is a platformer in which you travel along an endless path while dodging any obstacles in your way. The genre became popular after the mainstream success of Temple Run, a series that crossed a billion downloads on mobile platforms back in 2014. Dookey will be the first game that BAYC launches as part of its $450 million metaverse initiative.
Dookey has a fascinating backstory that totally justifies swimming through monkey shit. A monkey shattered the fabric of reality while he was taking a shit, which allowed him to obtain a treasure box and a key. He accidentally downed the key during the celebratory revels, which he attempts to regain by shitting it out on the toilet. Why he didn’t try to poop somewhere that wasn’t the toilet, I have no idea. But that’s why players have to dive into the sewers in a scuba suit: To collect a coveted key that’s encrusted in unmentionables.
According to the developer Yuga Labs’ website, players need a “Sewer Pass” NFT to play, which can only be obtained by those who own a Bored Ape Yacht Club or Mutant Ape Yacht Club NFT, or through purchasing one from someone else who has the Sewer Pass. Players accumulate points by surviving the run, collecting “fragments,” and dodging obstacles. And just like its mobile inspiration Temple Run, Dookey features microtransactions. Players can buy boosters with cryptocurrency, which honestly feels worse than ordinary mobile microtransactions. When I pop ten bucks in a mobile game, I’m not expecting that money to come back. But Dookey promises that those who attain high scores will see their NFTs potentially transformed. That means people could be buying microtransactions in hopes that their account would be worth more real U.S. dollars in the future. Congratulations to NFT bros for making microtransactions even worse than they already are.
Proponents of blockchain and Web3 keep trying to solve problems that don’t exist, and this is another sad, sad attempt at making the technology relevant in 2023. Although the developers modeled Dookey Dash after one of the most popular gaming genres of all time, why wouldn’t most people simply play Temple Run or Subway Surfers or any other existing game? Dookey offers the world absolutely nothing except for the opportunity to show your friends and family what a gullible clown you are. Just like the rest of the crypto ecosystem.