9. Frenzied rats, Elden Ring
FromSoftware loves to pad its role-playing games with starving, decaying rats that chomp at you with their yellow mouths. You bleed out and contemplate how you, despite your dedication and your armor, were felled by such a small, shaggy creature. It’s all about the beautiful circle of life, really, until their eyes start glowing orange and looking into them inflicts you with deadly madness. Not all right, Elden Ring’s frenzied rats, you can’t just panic attack people to death. Haven’t you seen all the Instagram infographics about how to destigmatize anxiety?
How nice is this rat? 1/10. This guy’s over here stigmatizing anxiety.
How stylish is this rat? Credit where it’s due, this rat is pretty stylish. Look at those glittering eyes of madness! I see someone has read The Yellow Wallpaper. 3/10
Is this rat free of disease? Absolutely not. 0/10
Best friend score: 1.3. We can do better.
