Survivor asks contestants to push their bodies to the limit…

…point and laugh at them while playing Don’t Starve on your couch. The rugged competition franchise Survivor, which has the tagline “outwit, outplay, outlast,” and first reached the U.S. in 2000, was one of the first reality TV shows I watched as an impressionable baby. But after 42 seasons of strangers willfully locking themselves away from society, living off rations, and slowly turning against each other in the name of a couple thousand dollars, I have learned nothing about outwitting or outlasting and a lot about depravity.

It’s for the best, then, that I stick to the solo survival game Don’t Starve, where you play a scientist sealed in a strange sepia world by a demon. Collecting 2D tangles of grass and brooding by the fire alone might not teach you anything, either, but at least you’ll suffer peacefully, away from curious eyes like mine.