Ash Parrish

Help! Fall Guys Is Ruining My Relationship

My partner hates playing online games, but this weekend I made him try Fall Guys and now our relationship is in peril. Online games just aren’t for him. He doesn’t think interaction with or dependence on strangers should be a requirement to finish a game. Plus, he’s social enough in his offline life to not…

A Parent’s Guide To What The Hell Is Going On With Fortnite

Maybe you’re a parent who, like a lot of parents nowadays, is working from home as the covid-19 pandemic still rages on. If you have tween-aged, gaming inclined children, they probably play Fortnite. Yesterday, that tween-aged gamer came to you wondering what’s going on with Fortnite. And you, dear parent, have no idea what to tell…

Ringer Alert: Overwatch League Free Agents Can Now Compete In Playoffs

Now that the pandemic’s torpedoed all of Blizzard’s plans for the Overwatch League 2020 season, the League’s head office is making significant changes to its roster construction rules ahead of the 2020 Playoff season. “The League Office has established the following guidelines in place for roster construction, which includes significant changes to contract lengths and…

I (Almost) Miss When The Shanghai Dragons Were OWL’s Worst Team

Overwatch League’s Countdown Cup concluded over the weekend with the (unsurprising) crowning of the San Francisco Shock and the Shanghai Dragons as the winners of the North American and Asian regions, respectively. The Shanghai Dragons are my team. I braved their inaugural 0-40 season when the Dragons did not win a single game. I am…

What Is The Forbidden Book, And Other Blaseball Questions Answered

As the baseball season hobbles on like a drunken three-legged cat with rickets, fans in search of an organized sports fix have found a new sensation on which to hyperfocus: Blaseball. Blaseball (and I’m going to kill my autocorrect function before this piece is over, I swear) is what would happen if the delightfully twisted…

I’m Really Into That New Dragon-Dating Sim, Ring Fit Adventure

Can I tell you a secret? Is this a safe place? Because what I’m about to say could potentially expose some of my stranger… predilections, let’s say. Are you ready? Okay. I think the bad guy in Ring Fit Adventure is smokin’ hot. He’s a tall, dark, and dummy thicc dragon traipsing about in a wrestling…

Here’s How Bugsnax Plays

Today’s PlayStation State of Play gave an in-depth look at gameplay for the “body-horror but make it cute” hit of the summer, Bugsnax. Check out the gameplay trailer below. “Use traps and sauces to capture Bugsnax,” developer Young Horses wrote in a press release. “On top of being tasty, each of the 100 different species…

Striking Lovestruck Writers Challenge Bosses And Win

Today the writers of Lovestruck, a popular visual novel romance game, announced a successful end to their unprecedented strike. Two weeks ago Kotaku reported on a writers strike for the mobile app, Lovestruck. Now, the writers have come to an agreement with their bosses at Voltage Entertainment whereby all of the writers will receive significant…

Meanwhile in not Fall Guys news, check out the latest trailer for Mortal Shell Mortal Shell is a Souls-like action RPG where players possess the bodies of fallen warriors—y’know their mortal shells—and use them to fight. Coming to PlayStation, Xbox One, and the Epic Game Store August 18th, Mortal Shell looks like it’ll fill the Bloodborne-sized…

Jumpstart‘s The Only Way I Wanna Play Magic: The Gathering Arena

Magic: The Gathering’s new format Jumpstart is the only way I want to play Magic for the rest of my life. I love playing Magic, both paper and online with Arena. I love opening new cards. I love the art. I love beating dudes who are much better than me, like I did this weekend…

The Cowboy Bebop Soundtracks Just Hit Spotify So Excuse Me While I Freak Out

OK. I need to take a deep breath and steady myself, because what I’m about to tell y’all has me vibrating with excitement. The vast majority of Cowboy Bebop soundtracks just hit Spotify That’s a lot of Bebop music. Of course Spotify has your staple soundtracks—Cowboy Bebop, Blue, Future Blues. But! And god bless whomever…

Esports Community Pissed Over Saudi Partnership Deal [Update: Riot Cancelled Deal]

Yesterday two major European esports brands—the Counter-Strike Global Offensive tournament organizer BLAST Premier and Riot’s League of Legends European Championship division—announced a sponsorship deal with NEOM, a 500 billion dollar techno-city funded by Saudi Arabian Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman. The announcement is drawing waves of criticism from esports personalities and fans. Update: 7/29/2020, 9:50…

Put Chemical Plant Zone In The Sonic Movie Sequel You Cowards

Sonic The Hedgehog, possibly the only good motion picture that will come out of 2020, is getting a sequel. While I have every confidence the sequel will be just as sneakily good as its predecessor, I have one… no, two! suggestions on how Paramount Pictures can ensure a smash-hit follow-up. Suggestion Number 1: Make Miles…

Star Fox 2 Almost Had A Black Female Pilot With Incredible Hair, And I. Am. Smitten.

One drip of information in the deluge coming from Nintendo’s latest “Gigaleak” was source code and unused assets for Star Fox 2, including a never-before-seen human character. Completed in 1995, Nintendo shelved the game out of fear it’d look inferior to the next-gen graphics of the PlayStation. (The game was subsequently released as an unlockable…

Fastest-Ever Overwatch League Match Is 19 Minutes and 23 Seconds of Misery

The fastest match in Overwatch League history took place over the weekend, with last year’s champions, the San Francisco Shock, beating the brakes off the Vancouver Titans in a blisteringly fast match that ran just 19 minutes and 23 seconds. The extremely brief match surpassed a record set just the week before when the Los…

Apex Legends Developers Respond To Criticism Of Pandemic Work Schedule

Screenshots of a post on Glassdoor criticizing Apex Legends developer Respawn Entertainment appeared on Reddit yesterday. The anonymous poster described a negative work-from-home environment that severely impacted their mental and physical health. “I feel extremely stressed and burnt out trying to keep our seasonal releases on the same aggressive timeline as pre-shelter in place productivity,”…

Paper Mario: The Origami King Is A Rare Game I Actually Want To 100%

I don’t 100% video games. Most of the time, I don’t even finishthem because I hate ending journeys I’m having so much fun on, or my brain goes “ooh shiny” and I bunny-hop to the next big thing. For the most part, all I want in a video game is to mainline rails of story.…

On July 29th, Nintendo Online subscribers will have the chance to play Pokkén Tournament DX for free. The announcement comes in the midst of the Pokémon Players Cup, giving spectators the chance to get in on the action themselves. The trial lasts until 11:59 P.M. on August 4th.

Freelance Game Writers Band Together To Strike Over Poor Pay

Contracted freelance writers for Voltage Entertainment, publisher of notable dating game mobile app Lovestruck, are striking to protest what they describe as a history of low wages and unreasonable deadlines. In the Reddit post announcing the strike, the writers stated, “The writers of Lovestruck have come together to unanimously demand better working conditions, greater transparency,…

Yoshi’s Tax Fraud Story: A Hardboiled Detective Tale

He came into my office, shadows trailing in behind him like he was being followed by the specter of Death. He was a short, squat man; Italian, by the look of him. Honest guy, works with his hands for a living. My guess: plumber. I don’t see too many plumbers on my beat. It’s mostly…