That sly look. The firm grip on the joystick. The dramatic pause. No, she's not flirting with you. She's warning you. Here comes her ultimate super move.
You might think there are no super moves in an ancient arcade game that only costs a quarter to play. You would be wrong. "But that's Galaga" you protest. "There are definitely no super moves in Galaga". Perhaps you've just never been good enough to see one? Maybe it's been hidden all these years, waiting for the chosen gamer to unlock its full power.
Maybe it's been waiting for her.
Maybe she didn't even know she had it in her. She just dropped a quarter in the machine while waiting for her friends to finish their amaretto sours. Being the designated driver sucks, but it also keeps the mind sharp, the senses keen. She's at her gaming peak, so when the opportunity arises, she sees it coming.
The air about her begins to crackle and hum with the building power. Her ship is a blur on the screen, moving faster than the speed of thought. No regular human could possibly survive such an overwhelming onslaught, but she not only survives — she thrives.
Time seems to stop as she turns your way, signaling you to retreat with a subtle tip of her head. Here it comes...
The resulting explosion was so devastating there weren't enough Photoshop filters to correctly render it. Blur, Drop Shadow, Outer Glow; we're going to need some third-party add-ons up in here.
The generic Galaga cabinet submits to her will. Her score reads "All the Points". Somewhere in Japan a game developer falls to the ground convulsing.
And you? You wake up a week later in a hospital. A hospital 200 miles away from the bar.
She did try to warn you.
Fake Gamer of the Week is Kotaku's weekly tribute to the strange and wonderful stock photo models of the world. Male, female, young, old; the beautiful, the ugly, the strange, and the disconcerting. We've got 'em all, with a new entry every Monday. Past Fake Gamers can be found at the Fake Gamer of the Week archive.
Photo credit: Bigstock Photo