Here at Kotaku, we like ranking things. Some of us also like playing Destiny. Let’s put those two things together and see what happens!
I’ve played enough year-two Destiny to have a pretty solid set of opinions about which things are better than other comparable things. I have enough of those opinions that I’ve set about ranking everything* in Destiny.
Notes up front: These lists go from best to worst—the higher the number on a thing, the worse its ranking. When applicable, I’ve weighed something’s value in PvE and PvP more or less equally, aside from subclasses, which I’ve ranked separately. I play on PS4, so I’m including the various PlayStation-exclusive stuff on these lists.
Ready? Let’s begin.
Subclasses (PvE)
1. Hunter Nightstalker
2. Titan Defender
3. Titan Sunbreaker
4. Warlock Stormcaller
5. Warlock Sunsinger
6. Hunter Bladedancer
7. Hunter Gunslinger
8. Titan Striker
9. Warlock Voidwalker
Subclasses (PvP)
1. Titan Sunbreaker
2. Hunter Gunslinger
3. Warlock Stormcaller
4. Warlock Sunsinger
5. Hunter Nightstalker
6. Warlock Voidwalker
7. Titan Striker
8. Hunter Bladedancer
9. Titan Defender
Social Spaces
1. The Lighthouse
2. The Tower
3. The Reef
Emotes
1. Zombie Dance (Thriller)
2. Sorrow
3. Formal Bow
4. Blowing a Kiss
5. Enthusiastic Dance (The Carlton)
6. Slow Clap
7. Evil Scheme
8. Monster Dance (Backstreet’s Back)
9. Bring it On
10. Boo
11. Tantrum
12. Oh, Please
13. Cower
14. Swing
15. Come At Me
16. Victory Cheer
17. Congrats
18. Booyah
19. Safe!
20. Pumped Up
Planets/Patrol Zones
1. Russian Cosmodrome
2. The Dreadnaught
3. The Moon
4. Mars
5. Venus
Patrol Mission Types
1. Kill enemies
2. Kill enemies and collect stuff they drop
3. Go fight a Taken mini-boss
4. Go kill one specific VIP somewhere
5. Go scan a thing
6. Go stand next to a thing
7. Run around chasing glowing “energy” like an idiot until it says you’re done
Vanilla Public Events
1. Defeat Fallen Walker
2. Defend the Warsat
3. Defeat extraction crews
4. Prevent Vex sacrifices
5. Defeat target
Crucible Maps*
1. The Burning Shrine
2. The Cauldron
3. Shores of Time
4. Rusted Lands
5. Bannerfall
6. Black Shield
7. Crossroads
8. Widow’s Court
9. The Dungeons
10. Thieves’ Den
11. Sector 618
12. The Anomaly
13. Twilight Gap
14. Frontier
15. The Drifter
16. The Timekeeper
17. Pantheon
18. Vertigo
19. Memento
20. Blind Watch
21. Asylum
22. Firebase Delphi
23. First Light
24. Bastion
*I haven’t had time to properly evaluate Cathedral of Dusk.
Crucible Game Types
1. Elimination
2. Control
3. Clash
4. Rumble
5. Rift
6. Skirmish
7. Combined Arms
8. Salvage
Strikes
1. The Sunless Cell
2. Shield Brothers
3. Echo Chamber
4. The Shadow Thief
5. The Devils’ Lair
6. Fallen S.A.B.E.R.
7. Cerberus Vae III
8. The Summoning Pits
9. Will of Crota
10. Dust Palace
11. Winter’s Run
12. The Nexus
13. The Undying Mind
Raids
1. King’s Fall
2. The Vault of Glass
3. Crota’s End
Cheeses (Historical and Current)
1. Pulling the LAN cable on Crota
2. Launching yourself over the lanterns in The Abyss
3. Tunneling under the Warsat at the start of Fallen S.A.B.E.R
4. Pushing the Templar off a cliff with grenades in Vault of Glass
5. Pushing Atheon off a cliff with grenades in Vault of Glass
6. Shooting the Devils’ Lair walker with a year-one Black Hammer
7. Climbing on the chandelier and sniping Valus Ta’aurc
8. Using a warlock res to despawn enemies during the Crota’s End bridge
9. Sniping the Archon Priest from the cliffs during Winter’s Run
10. Sniping from outside the Summoning Pits boss chamber
11. Sniping the Nexus Mind without actually entering the boss chamber
Primary Weapon Types
1. Pulse Rifles
2. Scout Rifles
3. Hand Cannons
4. Auto Rifles
Special Weapon Types
1. Sniper Rifles
2. Shotguns
3. Sidearms
4. Fusion Rifles
Heavy Weapon Types
1. Swords
2. Giant Fusion Rifles
3. LMGs
4. Rocket Launchers
Year-Two Exotic Weapon Quests
1. Black Spindle
2. Touch of Malice
3. The Chaperone
4. No Time To Explain
5. Boolean Gemini
6. Sleeper Simulant
7. Dark-Drinker, Bolt-Caster & Raze-Lighter
8. The First Curse
Exotic Primaries*
1. Red Death
2. Touch of Malice
3. Bad Juju
4. Zhalo Supercell
5. Tlaloc
6. The Jade Rabbit
7. Ace of Spades
8. Monte Carlo
9. Boolean Gemini
10. Hawkmoon
11. SUROS Regime
12. No Time To Explain
13. The Last Word
14. Fabian Strategy
*The First Curse is the one exotic primary I don’t have, because I haven’t bothered finishing the quest. Apparently it’s not a very good gun? Anyway, I’m leaving it off.
Exotic Special Weapons
1. Black Spindle
2. Telesto
3. The Chaperone
4. Invective
5. Hereafter
6. The 4th Horseman
Exotic Heavy Weapons*
1. Bolt-Caster
2. Sleeper Simulant
3. Truth
4. Dark-Drinker
5. Raze-Lighter
6. Thunderlord
*I don’t have Dark-Drinker or Raze-Lighter, but based on how they operate, I think I can safely rank them.
King’s Fall Weapons
1. Qullim’s Terminus (LMG)
2. Doom of Chelchis (Scout)
3. Defiance of Yasmin (Sniper)
4. Smite of Merain (Pulse)
5. Elulim’s Frenzy (Rocket)
6. Silence of A’arn (Shotty)
7. Zaouli’s Bane (Hand Cannon)
8. Midha’s Reckoning (Fusion)
9. Anguish of Drystan (Auto)
10. Why isn’t there a raid sidearm (I don’t get it)
Oryx’s Children
1. Ir Anûk
2. Ir Halak
3. Crota
Vendors and Questgivers
1. Cayde-6
2. Variks
3. Ghost
4. Lord Shaxx
5. Petra Venj
6. Arach Jalaal
7. Xur
8. Eris Morn
9. Banshee-44
10. Kadi 44-30
11. Commander Zavala
12. Master Rahool
13. Ikora Rey
14. Xander 99-40
15. Tess Everis
16. Amanda Holliday
17. Master Ives
18. Lakshmi-2
19. Executor Hideo
20. Lord Saladin
21. Brother Vance
22. Eva Levante
23. Berg 99-40
24. The Speaker
Xur Locations
1. By the jukebox in the lounge
2. By the speaker, in front of the big wall
3. Over by the hallway leading to the flight deck
4. In the back by the Vanguard table
5. By the speaker, over on the balcony
6. In the hallway across from Shaxx
7. In the closet on reef
Reasons For Doing Prison of Elders
1. Strange coins
2. Weapon parts
3. Strange coins
4. Weapon parts
5. For fun lol ok mostly for strange coins and weapon parts
And there you have em, my rankings for everything* in Destiny. I’m sure there are some things you’d like to rank, or some categories you’d rank differently... and let’s be real, I probably left something off one of these lists. I hope you’ll share your own rankings in the comments below.
*Okay not EVERYTHING, but a lot of things.
To contact the author of this post, write to kirk@kotaku.com.
Update: I’ve separated the subclass rankings into separate lists for PvP and PvE, since that really does work better.