Each enemy in Bloodborne is a jerk in its own way, but some are worse jerks than others.
I’ve played a ton of Bloodborne over the last several weeks. I’ve killed pretty much every enemy in the game, many times over. After all that, three enemies—excluding Hunters and bosses—stand out.
I hate them so much. Here they are.
1. The Sack Assholes
This one’s easy, and I sense a lot of people will agree. The big jerks with the sacks, commonly known as “Snatchers,” are the worst. They’ve been designed to fake you out and troll you. The first one turns up in Cathedral Ward just as you’re starting to feel pretty good about yourself, then he’ll hit you for an absurd amount of damage, kill you, and cart you off to a prison in scarytown.
Every single time I see one of these motherfuckers standing at the edge of a room, I feel a touch of panic. Even if it’s a low-level Chalice Dungeon, it doesn’t matter. I always know that I’m two miscalculations away from death, and that alone makes these guys way scarier than they should be.
2. The Brain Suckers
Most of the more Lovecrafty “kin” enemies in this game are gross. But the Brain Sucker is the worst. There’s one in Cathedral Ward that you’ll run into pretty early in the game, and it’s a fairly shocking encounter. You see this squid-head bro who is vaguely man-shaped, and you assume your weapon will cut him down quickly.
Nope. Turns out he’s got a shitload of health, and if he gets within grasping distance, there’s a good chance he’ll grab you, unfurl his glistening proboscis, and suck your brains. Gross. Worse, he’s also got a paralyzing ray he can shoot, which leaves you frozen, and wide open for some more brain-sucking.
Now, while those two monsters are fearsome, neither one makes me nervously check my echo-count quite like...
3. The Potato Masher Dudes
I swear, this guy might be the most fearsome enemy in the entire frickin game. I’m serious! He’s a trap, and a clever one.
You hear him coming, and you think you know what you’re getting into. That’s because that basic beast-type turns up in a lot of different areas in the game. He’s usually carrying either a sort of saw-machete thing and a torch or a two-handed spear. Both of those variants are tough at first—the first spear guy you meet in Central Yharnam will probably eat you for lunch—but eventually, they’re not that tough to deal with.
This third type, however, is rarer. There are only a handful in the game, just two or three that I can think of. They’re carrying a huge-ass potato masher/cheese grater thing that Luke informs me looks like a variant of a real-world tool called a Broadfork. One of them is walking down that one street in Cathedral Ward, and there’s also one in the Forbidden Woods, in the middle of the gauntlet where the townsman is firing a cannon at you.
I cannot deal with these guys. I don’t quite know why that is. I can take down most of Bloodborne’s enemies with relative ease. But when it comes time to fight one of the Potato Masher Dudes, I almost always get my ass kicked. Their attacks are so wide, their lunges so wild… they’re placed in confined spaces and usually fully knock me down if they get off a hit.
And that, of course, is what makes the trap so clever. The potato masher guy seems specifically designed to encourage the player to think “Oh, it’s just another one of these beasts! I know those guys, I got this.” And then… nope.
A lot of this is tied up in my own personal taste and play style. It’s a mixture of difficulty, placement, grossness, and plain ol’ bad memories. I figure those of you have been playing Bloodborne have been at it long enough to have a sense of your own most hated foes, so I hope you’ll share them below.