The GameCube Controller Lives On in the Hands of Fake Gamers

Next month's release of the Wii U marks the end of the GameCube's distinctive controller as a method for manipulating Nintendo games, but the color-coded buttons and sticks will always remain a method for making well-dressed attractive people look as if they are playing video games and not just smiling vacantly into a… » 10/15/12 4:00pm 10/15/12 4:00pm

Fake Mentally Disturbed Killer of the Week: Alice's Madness Never Left

"When is a cosplay not a cosplay?" queried the Mad Hatter, sipping lukewarm tea from a cracked and leaking cup. "When it's pay-per-use stock photography that someone put up for sale in case someone felt a pressing need for shots of a woman dressed as the lead character from American McGee's Alice: Madness Returns » 8/20/12 5:00pm 8/20/12 5:00pm?" I…

Fake Gamer Of The Week: My Supah Glahsses Make Me Supah Fantastich At…

Ya, hello little boys and girls. How aah you today. Are you good? I am good. Are you?


Ich heisse Hans, and I am very, very good-looking and also a male model and also very good at PC gaming, ya! You puny little dogs don't even rate for me, I am so good at killing you in the Counter Strike and the Team Fortress 2 that … » 8/13/12 4:01pm 8/13/12 4:01pm

Fake Gamers of the Week: Maybe Don't Drink This Family's Punch

There is no color allowed in this family's home. Theirs is a cult of khaki, a wasteland of white.

Their mission is to match. Every inch, every item, every tooth, every person, must be white and well-lit. There can be no dissent. And when they have scourged all color from their world, they must play, wholeheartedly… » 8/06/12 4:00pm 8/06/12 4:00pm

Fake Gamer of the Week: Watch Out, She's About to Unleash Her Super Move

That sly look. The firm grip on the joystick. The dramatic pause. No, she's not flirting with you. She's warning you. Here comes her ultimate super move.

You might think there are no super moves in an ancient arcade game that only costs a quarter to play. You would be wrong. "But that's Galaga" you protest. "There are… » 7/23/12 4:00pm 7/23/12 4:00pm

Fake Gamer of the Week: I Sure Hope There's Not a Sexy Cyborg Standing…

You've all been there. You're sitting there against a black backdrop, playing Call of Honor or Medal of Duty or whatever, when all of the sudden you're struck by the sneaking suspicion that there's a sexy machine woman standing right behind you. Ha, if I had a dime for every time I got that feeling!


Only this time… » 7/09/12 4:00pm 7/09/12 4:00pm

Fake Gamer of the Week: Girl Who Stores Game Controllers In Her…

We've all been there, Girl Who Stores Game Controllers In Her Underwear. Sometimes, it gets really hot outside. You're sitting in your apartment in your underwear, playing some video games to make the sweltering afternoon go by faster.


You get up to pour a glass of ice water, but the controller you're holding is… » 7/02/12 4:01pm 7/02/12 4:01pm

Fake Gamer of the Week: Don't Trust the Pretty Redhead, Mr. Orange

Being an orange is hard. You grow up on a tree, surrounded by friends, only to be plucked at your ripest, crated, and shipped off to a grocery store, destined to be devoured by health-conscious shoppers.


So when you found yourself in bed with a lovely redheaded woman gamer, you thought you had avoided your fate.… » 5/21/12 3:30pm 5/21/12 3:30pm

Fake Gamer of the Week: Little Girl Who Just Found Porn On Her…

Oh, Little Girl Who Just Found Porn On Her Brother's DS. I'm so sorry this happened to you. On behalf of brothers everywhere, I apologize.


When your big brother got a 3DS, you were so excited to inherit his old DS that you didn't even think about clearing out the internal memory. Why would you? What kind of person… » 4/30/12 3:31pm 4/30/12 3:31pm