Kotaku’s editor-in-chief Stephen Totilo and, uh, whatever-I-am Tim Rogers played Assassin’s Creed Origins for 30 minutes. We made some jokes and had a pretty great time.

There are no story spoilers whatsoever in the video! We simply give you a tour of the game-playing experience.

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Come listen to us discuss the architectural differences between mazes and labyrinths and ponder corrective bird optometry as you watch us ride a camel (whose IQ you cannot level up), stab a couple guys in the sides of their heads (they did something bad), swing swords, mind-control an eagle, and solve a burning philosophical riddle: “Would they put a pyramid in an Assassin’s Creed game if you couldn’t climb it?” (Spoiler: They wouldn’t.)

Without irony, I just want to say, right here, that this game looks amazing. I am going to play it until its post-ancient Egyptian wheels fall off, though only when I have one of those new game consoles that outputs 4K (maybe I’ll buy myself an Xbox One X for Christmas). That’s going to be my excuse for playing Super Mario Odyssey first.