Bless Me, Father, For I Freakin' Love Nun Attack

Let me break it down for you: 12 years of Catholic school. Powder-blue communion suit. Did the Stations of the Cross ON MY KNEES for multiple years. Childhood best friend was an altar boy. (He's fine. Nothing ever happened. Thanks for asking.) I say all this to establish that I know all about nuns. Nuns have paddled…