Hey Nintendo, A Few More Requests For That Fancy New Switch

Illustration for article titled Hey Nintendo, A Few More Requests For That Fancy New Switch
Image: Nintendo

As the latest rumors about the Switch Pro/Super Nintendo Switch fly all about us, everyone is focused on the potential for that Samsung 7" OLED screen, and just how well it’ll pull off its 4K resolution in docked mode . But if Mario HQ is currently piecing together components, we have a few other requests we’d like to get in there.

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They hardly scream “FUN!” do they?
They hardly scream “FUN!” do they?
Image: Nintendo

More Joyful Joy-Cons

When the Switch was first revealed in 2016, watching those Joy-Cons slide in and out was like actual magic. That click! What a joy. But in practice, has it ever been anything other than a ham-fisted juggling act? When last did you successfully remove a Joy-Con without accidentally pressing 17 buttons at once? Surely this can be done better? I want to press a button and have them pop right out. (And yes, actually, I do look forward to the class action lawsuit that follows when they all start popping out on their own.)

Oh, and once they’re out, surely Nintendo can think of a neater way to have them be comfortable for using vertically than having to slide on another plastic grip? The same plastic grips you lost three weeks after you bought your Switch and have never seen since. Is it possible for them to slide out and still look complete, rather than like a dining table with its center-piece removed?










Illustration for article titled Hey Nintendo, A Few More Requests For That Fancy New Switch
Image: Nintendo

Kick Out The Kickstand

I’m hardly the first person to observe how completely awful the Switch’s kickstand is, but look, this is our chance to demand better! At the very least, one that doesn’t snap off because a fairy farted.

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I’ve no idea where my kickstand is. It falls off every time I pick up the portable gaming device, and is occasionally discovered when cleaning couches or moving furniture. It’s currently MIA, and I really wish I knew where it was. It’s useful! Not just for letting my son play Bowser’s Fury at the kitchen counter, but for not letting my incredibly expensive Micro SD card be exposed to the elements. So yeah, while you’re at it Nintendo, how about not put the SD slot there next time, either?

Illustration for article titled Hey Nintendo, A Few More Requests For That Fancy New Switch
Image: Hori
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Stick It To The Thumbsticks

Have you ever removed and re-attached one of the rubber grips on the thumbsticks? Have you ever done that and not finished with weird bobbly bumps all over it that can never be destroyed? I haven’t. I believe it could only ever be achieved by the most aged and experienced of horologists, and even they would let out a few “oh fuck this fucking stick!” a few times along the way. Maybe make those go back on a bit better?

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Illustration for article titled Hey Nintendo, A Few More Requests For That Fancy New Switch
Screenshot: hori.co.uk

The Right To Be Right

No, I’m not about to launch into some insane alt-right diatribe. I’m talking about the poor unloved right Joy-Con. This is by far one of the weirdest things about the Switch and its surrounding market: There are barely any cool options for the right-hand controller. Just look at that image above from Nintendo’s buddies Hori. What is with that? How awesome would my Switch look with a matching pair of those on either side? I’ll apparently never find out, because they only make lefties. Why?

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Nintendo has really underplayed the potential of the Joy-Con market, with its miserably poor selection of official colors and literal handful of special options. I recently bought a second pair of Joy-Cons for my kid so we could two-player more comfortably, and was really gutted to find that you cannot even pick up a matching pair of Pokémon-flavored sticks. Left one sure, but right? No. Bizarre.







Illustration for article titled Hey Nintendo, A Few More Requests For That Fancy New Switch
Screenshot: Nintendo / Kotaku
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Home Sweet Home

Not a physical request, but since I’m here: Can we get the home screen sorted? Even the teensy 3DS had a more customizable setup than the Switch, which makes precisely no sense. Why can’t I have my games arranged in a way that makes sensible use of all that real estate, rather than a scrolling line that shows only four at once?

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And another thing: How about they just go ahead and remove the “Change User” option entirely. Imagine if you could be playing some Hades, and then just hot-switch to your partner’s account and let them play their version. But in reality it’s just another version of the “close software” option, since that’s all it does. It seems vanishingly unlikely that the Switch, even a Super Switch, would be able to run two versions of the same game concurrently, so it’d be great if its next incarnation would just stop pretending it could.

Seeker of indie secrets, needlessly beautiful, purveyor of www.buried-treasure.org.

DISCUSSION

Outrider

Look, let’s all stop beating around the bush: the only feature that Nintendo really needs to bring back is Miiverse.

Please, Nintendo: I need to see goofy comments pulled into my Mario games again. It hasn’t been the same.

EDIT: WAIT also StreetPass! I can’t believe I forgot it. Damn, StreetPass was great.