These 11 Super Bowl LIX Commercials Should Just Be TV Shows

You could put Glen Powell in a jet (Top Gun: Maverick), the path of a tornado (Twisters), or a lethal relationship (Hit Man), and he’s going to make you want to watch all of it. So, him donning a blonde wig as the most adrenaline-fueled version of Goldilocks ever in the Ram Trucks Super Bowl commercial was a thrill ride I didn’t want to end. What if he had a lighthearted but high-stakes anthology series where he’s a dad trying to connect with the children he has in the commercial by retelling classic children’s stories with him as the action hero? If he’s dodging dragons and riding over volcanoes as Goldilocks, you could easily fill 15 episodes of him saving Hansel and Gretel from that cannibalistic old witch with an AK-47, or dressing up as one of the three little pigs to interrogate the captured wolf in order to find out the location of his fellow wolves so they can exact revenge. CBS, put this show on after Tracker.

Michael Shannon and Aubrey Plaza are a match made in sarcastic heaven as they try to stop delicious RITZ crackers from breaking their veneer of perpetual dissatisfaction. While the concept gets a couple of chuckles for the ad’s 31 seconds, I’d love to see Plaza and Shannon in a TV series where they realize life is too short to hate everything, so they employ Bad Bunny to try to introduce them to things to make them happy, and despite his best efforts, he fails more often than he succeeds. Imagine Shannon and Plaza’s stone-faced reactions to skydiving, an ayahuasca retreat, and front row seats at a Bad Bunny concert. Cut the check, RITZ.

When Harrison Ford talks, I listen. This Jeep Super Bowl commercial was simply 120 seconds of Ford exuding enough captivating cool to be able to speak to America about understanding the cost of freedom like he’s our father. Honestly, that’s the show. Ford living on a farm, riding trucks, and looking directly into our souls every episode as he explains life lessons about the benefits of taking the road less traveled, why we pay taxes, and how to cook eggs when you only have a chicken and sunlight in the woods. Think of it like Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood if it was in the Yellowstone universe.

Nostalgia is always in style, especially when it involves a sequel to one of the greatest romantic comedies of all time. This Super Bowl LIX commercial revisited When Harry Met Sally’s iconic scene in which Sally (Meg Ryan) proves to Harry (Billy Crystal) that men can’t tell when women are faking orgasms by imitating an orgasm so convincingly in a restaurant full of people that someone famously says, “I’ll have what she’s having.” The only difference is this time, it appears Hellmann’s mayonnaise is actually that pleasurable. The 1989 classic ends with the pair getting married. If, 36 years later, they’ve gotten to the point where some store-bought mayonnaise is the highlight of their night, there could be comedic gold in uncovering the ways this longtime couple tries to keep things spicy, even if it’s just arguing over condiments.

People often wonder what they would say or do if they ever met aliens. This HexClad commercial proposes the idea that Gordon Ramsay would be introduced to out-of-this-world cookware, some of which he’s already used. This could be a really limited series (I’m talking four episodes, tops) of Ramsay berating alien chefs who cook intergalactic meals he’s never heard of but can nevertheless judge because his taste is the best in the universe. Unfortunately, with Pete Davidson as the alien ambassador, something is surely going to blow up in Ramsay’s face.

A good mockumentary will always make for good TV. The Uber Eats commercial stars Matthew McConaughey as an executive revealing all the ways in which football is a “conspiracy to make us hungry.” Only, plot twist: it’s actually about McConaughey playing himself and pitching Greta Gerwig on a movie about this conspiracy. A movie with McConaughey acting as a zany version of himself, pursuing the making of this passion project and going to great lengths to break down this NFL conspiracy, could be a comedy hit. As ridiculous as some of the claims are (Football being played on Sundays because of ice cream sundaes?), it would be interesting to see what new and wacky coincidences they can come up with while using McConaughey’s hypnotic charm to make them seem somewhat real. Honestly, why else would the Green Bay Packers’ fanbase be known as Cheese Heads?

Post Malone and irreverent comedian Shane Gillis being drunk and disorderly troublemakers in a cul-de-sac is a funny enough premise for a Bud Light Super Bowl commerical and a Workaholics-style raunchy comedy. Can you imagine Post Malone day-drinking and playing acoustic versions of Kendrick Lamar’s “Not Like Us” while Peyton Manning, living next door, is trying to enjoy the silence of retirement? Add in Shane Gills teaching the neighborhood kids how to safely do a keg stand, and you’ve got three seasons of an HBO series.

I wouldn’t say Booking.com’s Muppet-filled Super Bowl LIX commercial was the best of the night, but it’s probably the most TV-series-ready of them all. The Muppets bouncing around the world trying to find the right vacation spot is cool for a 30-second commercial, but it really makes me want a White Lotus-style comedy. Kermit and Miss Piggy convincing the rest of the gang to spend their summer at an all-inclusive resort, only to find out there’s some shady activities happening right under their noses, is must-see TV. If Bert and Ernie’s Great Adventures can get 52 episodes, The Muppets: White Lotus can get at least enough for a summer.

Sure, Instacart gathered the mascots of some of the most popular consumer brands in the world to entice people watching the Super Bowl to get their groceries from them. What they unintentionally did was show us what a cross between Toy Story and Night at the Museum could look like. The same excitement you get from seeing how characters from disparate video game franchises might interact in a Super Smash Bros.-style duel can be achieved by seeing what happens when the Kool-Aid Man bursts through a wall and messes up a floor that Mr. Clean spent all day polishing. But, honestly, I just want to see people’s reactions when their groceries go on strike and move away.

Let’s be clear: Dunkin’s Super Bowl commerical is very stupid (borderline insultingly stupid). But then, that’s what makes the sight of Ben and Casey Affleck and Jeremy Strong doing battle with other coffee brands a car wreck of a commercial you don’t want to look away from. As a TV show, the Affleck brothers running multiple Dunkin’ locations while trying to ward off competitors has the same absurdist foundation that made Eastbound and Down irresistible. With guest appearances from Super Bowl-winning coach Bill Belichick, Druski, possibly Matt Damon, and a bunch of others joining the fight, this could be a great late-night binge for the stoner crowd.

Anything Walton Goggins does deserves to be on TV, even if it’s just him breaking the fourth wall for a GoDaddy commerical. But, while the man who made a relatable antihero out of a human mutated by radiation in Fallout spends the ad joking about how actors rarely know anything about the professions they pretend to do, I wouldn’t mind a TV show that puts him in an alternate reality where there’s no difference between who you are on TV and who you are in your normal life. People would run up to him to help them stop bank robbers because he played a cop on The Shield, only for those same bank robbers to ask him for help since he also played a thief in Justified. There could be some sentimental overarching message about him having the potential to be anything, or some societal critique on our obsession with stars. Either way, I need Apple TV and the Severance creators to get the scripts going for this one.