Illustration for article titled Greninja Voted Pokémon Of The Year, Somehow
Image: Pokémon

Koffing was robbed.

Despite my excellent case for Koffing’s status as the Best Pokémon, official results from Google’s Pokémon of the Year vote show that the world somehow believes otherwise. Greninja, the frog ninja that uses its own tongue as a scarf (ugh), dominated the poll with over 140,000 votes, followed by Lucario, Mimikyu, Charizard, and Umbreon to round out the top five.

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I’m not mad.

I mean, Koffing didn’t rank among the top 30, even when the results are restricted to its home region of Kanto. I always knew it was going to be an uphill battle against Pokémon mascots like Charizard and Pikachu, but Greninja? Oh wow, it throws ninja stars made of water. Big whoop! How is that useful? Koffing could literally save the planet if they were real. Greninja would be a side show at SeaWorld, tops. Froakie isn’t even the best starter from that generation! But I’m not mad. And then they go and give this wack frog a fusion with Ash in the Pokémon anime? He couldn’t even win a championship until last year. I’m looking at the full results now and, okay, I guess a case can be made for Pokémon like Sylveon and Snom but holy crap, 140,000 votes for Greninja? That’s 40,000 more than Lucario—who is a total edgelord and also undeserving of the hype—received. Mimikyu is legitimately the only good Pokémon in the top five, and Koffing still blows it out of the water. I’m not mad, though. Koffing is honestly too good for the masses. Of course it’s not popular. Everyone is so obsessed with utility in the games and Poison doesn’t have very good coverage against the other types. The tryhards of the world always discount anything that isn’t min-maxed to hell and “perfect” in their own narrowly-defined terms. Okay, fine, Galarian Weezing gets some play, but that’s only because it has a second type and looks like Doug Dimmadome (owner of the Dimmsdale Dimmadome) from The Fairly OddParents. How would you even take care of a Greninja? It looks like it needs a huge habitat with lots of water and Naruto DVDs to keep it occupied. Koffing can just hang out wherever! It can eat CO2! Folks wouldn’t have to worry about gas leaks or carbon monoxide poisoning ever again! Imagine a world where there was a cute little animal that could suck up all the harmful toxins in the air! That’s the world I want to live in!

I’m not mad, I’m laughing actually!

Staff writer, Kotaku

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