From heartbreaking to chillingly horny, the God of War game series has invigorated nearly two decades of gaming with expert storytelling. In video games’ brief history, two decades is practically old enough to form its own mythology, so I’ve decided to help cultivate one by pitting all the women against each other in a merciless battle to achieve top rank.
Yeah, I know. It’s fucked up. I first wanted to join all of God of War’s leading ladies under one slideshow to bring attention to the series’ unsung heroes.
But I’ve noticed throughout video game history, that when people want to talk about women in games, they often opt to categorize them based on beauty or perceived “MILF” levels. Casual misogyny is only natural when you’re living under patriarchy, or among newly enlightened girlbosses who’ve decided to take up the mantle, and so I must, too. It’s the call of the format. I’ll still bring some of God of War’s many competent, compelling women together, but I am going to rank them like it’s a cursed beauty pageant. You see, I have no other choice.
Let us begin this grim, shallow exercise.