Lollipop Chainsaw

Play it on: PS3, Xbox 360
Current goal: Solve my cognitive dissonance
Buy it from: Amazon

I borrowed my friend’s Xbox 360, and I’m playing the cult-favorite, cheerleader hack-and-slash Lollipop Chainsaw this week. I’ve never played it before—I was hoping that my first real exposure to it would be in the form of developer Dragami Games’ next-gen remake, but that got pushed to 2024. So it’s back to 2012 for me.

I’ve only cleared one stage so far, but I’m already mildly obsessed with the game’s guts and glitter. Its American Pie sense of humor can be grating at best and genuinely offensive at worst (I’m not a fan of men using “bitch” or “slut” as gender-based insults, and the zombies in Lollipop Chainsaw aren’t reluctant about using those words like knives). Even still, I’ve become convinced that this is a certified Girl Game that got deformed by all the weird guys trying to look up protagonist Juliet’s skirt.

There are cloying levels of hot pink, rainbow, and sparkle vomit, and Juliet carries a massive chainsaw to school, just in case. She cut her boyfriend’s head off without hesitation. Sleigh Bells is on the soundtrack. Like…this shit is for girls. — Ashley Bardhan