Starting Sunday, August 27 at limited locations across the U.S., Arby’s is going to be selling big honking turkey legs. Just handing meat-covered bones out the drive-through window. Here is your meat covered bone, sirrah. Now get thee hither to yon Game of Thrones finale.

I am not opposed to seeing this Renaissance Faire staple being served by a fast food restaurant. Nay, ‘tis quite the opposite. “What took you so long!?” I cry, standing in the rain outside the restaurant, knees going weak. I fall to the ground, hand pressed against the window glass. “What took you so long?..” And then I die.

Not only are these giant turkey legs, they are giant turkey legs seasoned with brown sugar and salt, smoked, and then slow roasted until the meat is just as tough as it always is, because you can only do so much with a turkey leg.

This particular turkey is long past coming. Someone Photoshop a giant blue eye on it.

Though not officially a Game of Thrones tie-in, Arby’s turkey legs are timed to coincide with the season finale. So it’s totally a Game of Thrones tie-in, timed to coincide with the season finale.

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Unfortunately for most of the country, there are only nine stores taking part in the turkey leg festivities. They are, as Arby’s tells it, as follows:

  • Fargo, ND: a frigid land in the north with ruthless winters and relentless snowfall. (111738th St NW– Fargo, ND 58102)
  • LosAngeles, CA: a western land known for its bountiful amount of gold and riches. (347EastMainSt.– Alhambra, CA 91801)
  • Seattle/Redmond, WA: a land of storms, savaged by heavy rain and wind, with a coast of deep blue water. (15115 NE 24th St.– Redmond, WA 98052)
  • Norfolk, VA: a land of ships and sailors surrounded by giant vessels forged from iron. (730 East Little Creek Rd.– Norfolk, VA 23518)
  • Pittsburgh, PA: a land of powerful rivers, defined by the trident of the Allegheny, Monongahela and Ohio. (4810 McKnight Rd.– Pittsburgh, PA 15237)
  • Phoenix, AZ: a land of sand and sun, known for its harsh desert climate. (2402 West Thomas Rd. – Phoenix, AZ 85015)
  • Denver, CO: a land of treacherous mountains divided by fertile river valleys with an abundance of stones. (1480 South Colorado Blvd.– Denver, CO 80222)
  • Omaha, NE: a land of fertile farms that provides many of the crops that feed the country. (8429 West Center Rd.– Omaha, NE 68124)
  • Atlanta, GA: a land where the crown jewel of the Arby’s family, our headquarters, resides. (4415 Roswell Rd.– Atlanta, GA 30342)

Did somebody say road trip? No, because that last location is maybe four miles from my house. Perhaps I shall load my family into our wagon and make the journey to the north. Or maybe the west. I am not really good with directions.