Detroit Lions wide receiver Calvin Johnson Jr. is my favorite football player. Okay, he's the only football player I can name, and that's only because people call him Megatron. Now I love him even more, because he's the inspiration behind a $550 box set of three pairs of sneakers and a limited-edition Transformer.

Hasbro and Nike are calling it the "Megatron Rises" pack, and it is as glorious in its pomposity as the leader of the Decepticons himself.

Just look at that. A majestic purple mountain of footwear and furor. Throw some waves of grain into the box and you're basically singing the national anthem, only backwards with a decidedly evil bent.

The box set features three pairs of foot-covering items — the Nike CJ81 Megatron Trainer Max, the Megatron Nike Air Trainer SC II, and a special edition Nike CJ81 Megatron Elite TD Cleat. "Why would you need a pair of cleats, Fahey?" Why, for stomping on the hands of anyone who dare ask such a silly question. I played football in high school, you know. Well, I went to practice. Eventually I quit doing that, but only because I was missing Transformers every afternoon, so it all comes around.

As for the exclusive Megatron...

Produced in collaboration with Hasbro, the 5-inch purple and red TRANSFORMERS MEGATRON action figure inspired by Calvin Johnson mirrors the cues of his signature Nike CJ81 Megatron Trainer Max. The distinctive red cruciform pattern found on the toebox and upper of the trainer are utilized on the arms and feet of the figure. Johnson's signature appears alongside the iconic DECEPTICON shield on MEGATRON'S chest. In robot mode, the MEGATRON figure is designed to be broad yet agile, and the iconic "wing" jet conversion is meant to mirror Johnson's speed and power.

Or it's a pre-existing toy that was retooled for the promotion. Either way, you get shoes and a toy.


That is, you get them if you're willing to spend $550 for one of these incredibly limited (81 — same number as the guy we were talking about earlier) sets, which go on sale at exclusively at 21 Mercer in NYC, select Nike Yardline doors and on November 26 (21 Mercer will be selling them a few days earlier).

Did I mention the box unfolds from a cube meant to resemble the Allspark?

And if you just want the pretty purple shoes, the CJ81 Megatron Trainer Max and the Megatron Nike Air Trainer SC II will be on sale by themselves as well. Heck, you can even purchase the special figure if you go for the CJ81s.


The following images shall haunt my dreams for the next week, until all the sets are gone, or all are one. Whichever comes first.